[ senri had always been the clingier of the two. it's because of that fact that takaomi didn't really expect the distance to bother him as much as it does. and it didn't... at first. initially, having his own space again came as a nice break after being around his boyfriend so much that it didn't feel right if they weren't holding hands. so, yeah. getting to do things on his own was nice.
for a little bit.
but then the weeks go on, and their schedules match less and less due to work and time zones. there are days where they don't speak to each other at all, either because things are too hectic for them to remember to send a greeting or that they just barely miss when the other calls. but still, it's fine. because it's not going to last forever and senri will be back soon, and they'l go back to being attached to the hip, although taka does make a mental note of how they will need to get used to spending long periods of time away from each other before something like this happens again.
june 6th is one of the days where they don't speak to each other at all.
taka knows that this is senri's birthday, and he had been planning on calling him and also sending him flowers for once in his life. but he's currently working on a case that's... a little intense. his father doesn't usually like to involve taka in anything that might be too traumatic, but an emergency came up and it was thrust into his hands anyway. he hasn't been sleeping properly because of it and has been spending all of his free time trying to solve the thing, so when the 6th creeps up, despite taka's planning, it goes by unnoticed.
[senri had always been the clingier of the two. the first few days after taka went back to japan were excruciatingly hard, and filled with endless messages up until one of the new friends that senri made jokingly but lovingly pinched his phone away from him. so the messages did not become so constant, and instead came at a normal level.
... until life happened. the show that senri came to london in the first place kicked off, and taka continues to have cases in japan. timezones made it hard for them to call, and it was almost impossible to schedule times for them to call in the first place. messages went unanswered, or answered late, and senri knew for a fact that it wasn't fair for him to be unhappy when he was just as guilty - so he started to see more and more people to fill his time.
even if it left less for taka.
but they'd be fine. they'd be back together in just a few more weeks, a few more weeks, and unfortunately senri can't manage to get a quick break to go back to japan for his birthday. his friends cheer him up with a party, and his other friends cheer him up with a party, and his needs are attended to the whole day - except for when he laughs and tells people "okay, okay, but taka's gonna call, so don't be mad if I have to disappear!" they laugh and coo about how nice it is that even after long-distance, senri's still in love.
... and he is.
and he's still in love when taka doesn't call too.
maybe that's the worst part.
he thinks about calling instead, but his pride says that he shouldn't have to be the one to remind his boyfriend about his birthday. he thinks about tweeting or instagramming something, but that'd worry his followers and friends and ruin his perfectly curated life of fun and adventure. so he settles on a text, once it's no longer the 6th in london or tokyo, and there's no way to hold onto hope that taka remembered his birthday.]
i didn't even matter enough to get a spot on your calendar did i
he managed to fall asleep when it comes in, but noise coming from one of the other dorm rooms jerk him away. he suddenly understands how kasuka feels every time he and senri made too much noise... and it's that reminder of senri that has been suddenly standing and frantically reaching for his phone to check the time.
he's see that, and also the notification from senri's text. ]
Fuck.
[ it's unfortunate. because taka knows he's in the wrong, and that he's the one who messed up and should be begging to be forgiven? he is completely aware of this.
but the tone of senri's text aggravates him. because it isn't true, and senri could have just asked like a normal person why he didn't call him, but neither he nor senri can really function as normal when it comes to each other.
so, instead of apologizing, taka makes it worse. ]
Can you use your brain a little before sending things like that?
he picked a fight and he got one - and yet staring down at the text still manages to upset him. he used his brain. he tried to give taka the benefit of the doubt and waited until there was no hope at all for either of them to still be on senri's birthday, and then that's when he lost all hope. even a last minute call would've left senri annoyed - but he would've been overall happier to just hear taka's voice at all.
but nothing. not a text. not a card. not a tweet. not even a roundabout greeting through yuma or touji.
but he can't think to express how angry he is through text alone.
so he calls.
and the second taka picks up, senri doesn't even say hello.]
I've been using my brain all day - trying to make up excuses for why a genius detective can remember every fact under the sun, except his own boyfriend's birthday....!
[it's the first time they've had the chance to call each other in weeks - and it's like this.]
senri would still be upset, and he deserves to be, because taka did fuck up. but the fight would probably end if he did, and they could move on to trying to navigate through the hurt feelings and find a peaceful solution. it wouldn't be perfect, but it would still be better than fighting, and even if senri is angry right now, taka knows him well enough to understand that if senri knew there was an actual reason why taka forgot then he wouldn't stay hostile.
but
the problem is that both of them suffer from being very bad at backing down from a fight. it usually takes one of them storming off so they can cool down then regroup after to talk about it. but the only way to do that right now is to hang up, and because of the thousands and thousands of miles between them, it's really not the same as just storming out of the dorm room to take a quick walk around campus. ]
[he should calm down. because senri, when he's calmer, can navigate through social situations as easy as breathing. he could give taka the benefit of the doubt just one more time, and realize that his boyfriend cares about him, even if it hasn't felt like that lately. or maybe taka doesn't care about him as much lately, and even though it'd hurt, they'd be able to talk about it. when they're both level-headed, they can manage. just barely, and imperfectly, but they can.]
Don't tell me to be calm...! I've been calm for 24 hours!! Even if you didn't greet me right at midnight, or even first thing when you woke up, or whenever you might've even had a chance to think about it...!
When Yumapi called, when Hari called, when everyone else called - I said "No, Taka hasn't called yet, but he will!"
because of course everyone else remembered. senri knows so many people, has so many fans, that he was bound to be given birthday greeting after birthday greeting all day long. and taka feels shitty that he wasn't a part of that, enough that he actually starts to open his mouth to apologize
but then senri says the last part, and he clamps his mouth shut. he already knows he didn't do it right, he doesn't need the reminder. ]
... you're overreacting! It's just any other day! [ he doesn't mean that ] You've already gotten enough attention from everyone else, so don't be greedy!
[ he knows why it's different coming from him vs everyone else, but. ]
[turns out senri was horrifyingly bad at being single.
for a time, he was perfectly in denial. even though the two of them had broken up, he'd never said as much. long distance was hard. they were just taking a break. it's not like there was anything definite about the way that they'd chosen to separate - except there was. it just didn't feel real until senri had to carefully clean up his social media, removing any mention of taka from his bios and quietly deleting any pictures he'd taken with captions that mentioned missing him.
as if they'd been broken up for much longer than they actually were.
he ignored comments as he went on other dates instead, met new people that he would try briefly to start something with - but everything felt different. they didn't banter quite right. they didn't hold his hand in a way that he liked. they weren't taka.
he kept trying anyway - up until chizuru threatened to keep senri held back a year if he stayed in london any longer than he already had. yanagi, after all they'd been through, wasn't even remotely understanding as he denied senri's request to stay in their room for just - a little while.
which is how he comes in now, at the crack of down months after they broke up, and still trying to quietly bring his stuff into the room without waking up taka.]
[ taka, on the other hand, went the other extreme as he more or less swore off dating.
he felt like he was proven right in a sense, that deepening your bonds with others was a waste and would only lead to hurt. except he didn't want to be right about this. ironically, apparently heartbreak really is great fuel for music. he joined a band. he helped the student council. he did absolutely anything he could to fill the spaces that senri once occupied, because every time he walked anywhere in this city, from the convenience store to the school to even his bed, he was reminded of senri nito.
when senri creeps in, taka is asleep on the couch. again. he stopped trying to sleep in his own bed several months ago because it felt too big now. he tried sleeping in senri's once and he almost jumped out of it. so, the couch it is, even if it also carries more memories than he'd like. ]
Senri wanders into their room quietly and blinks in quiet surprise when he notices that Taka has taken up their couch as his place to sleep - did he fall asleep there after working on a case? but he doesn't have anything around him and it didn't look like any of their video game systems on.... he frowns because there can be no way that's good for his back - but it's also not senri's business. he shakes his head out of those thoughts and quietly leaves his luggage in the corner, just barely polite enough to leave it for the morning so he can crawl up to his bed and try to sleep.
.... but even for months before he left for London, he hadn't slept in this bed. it feels odd and awkward and even despite his absurdly long flight he doesn't feel sleep get any closer to taking him. he tells himself to push through it, because he eventually learned how to fall asleep in his bed in London without taka too.
(admittedly his remedy for that was wearing the hoodie he'd borrowed from him, which still smelled enough like his boyfriend to put Senri at ease.)
.... it doesn't feel right when taka is right there, so close and yet so far.
he doesn't know what drives him to actually move after an hour of no sleep. he doesn't know if it's smart, or if it'll set off a fight. but he grabs the closest blanket that can cover them both and brings it to the couch. he throws it over taka first, and then he takes a breath in and
[ it's the blanket, at first, that makes him stir.
he hadn't expected senri to be back now. but he's still groggy enough that he's not sure what the time actually is or if maybe he forgot about the day again. he doesn't even need to open his eyes to know who it is though; they've shared a bed so many times that it would be more surprising if taka forgot how it felt.
they're broken up. he should tell senri to go back to bed, or he should get up and move somewhere else.
instead, he just shifts over so that senri won't be too close to the edge. he almost, almost wraps an arm around him out of habit, but he manages not to cross that line at least. ]
[they're not together anymore, but taka isn't kicking him out.
... he's a really kind person, even if he doesn't show it well. it's in the little ways like this, where even if he's half-asleep, his gut instinct isn't to shove senri away even though they broke up. even though there are probably just as many hurt feelings as there are good memories.
but senri will always push and push and push for more. he nestles in against taka, presses his face against his shoulder, and breathes in.
then, far too tellingly, he breathes out a sigh of relief, and relaxes as they fit together just as well as they did all those months ago.
... it'll be bad in the morning. senri knows that too. but for right now, it's easy to close his eyes, and forget, and feel only like he's coming home.]
[ it really is the first time in months that taka is able to sleep well.
it shouldn't be, because you can only be so comfortable on a couch, and the space is cramped with the two of them on it, but he's never felt so at ease in... well. he knows how long, right til the day.
so he falls asleep, cuddled as closely to senri as he dares, and he's grateful that the other was willing to toe the line there because he wasn't going to. it's fine. it's almost like never had happened at all, and that there wasn't ever any distance between them.
except then the morning comes.
when he wakes up, he doesn't open his eyes. because if senri is awake, he would rather not know cause then he'd be forced to move. ]
but he's an idiot in love! and that means going to see one of taka's shows just like how taka went to see his. he didn't mind going early to the venue with him for sound check and hanging out before the show, and even was happy to use the opportunity to lightly retaliate against everyone who told him 'taka's old boyfriend was lame'
it's fine!
he wanted to try being out in the crowd though - given that the leader of The Bambiz was coming to the show, and Senri thought it'd be fine to hang out with Takeshi and watch like a proper audience member.
he forgot The Pit.
because takeshi is a good friend but he's just as much a punk emo shithead as taka, and he doesn't think twice about the pit. and even though senri was just on the periphery of the pit, it absolutely swallowed him whole anyway. his yelp is audible, and even when he does find his way back out, it's not without damage because someone totally elbowed him in the throat and suckerpunched him and he hates emos he totally hates emos
he flees and finds his way backstage instead to safely watch the rest of the show
[ during the show, taka thought he heard a yell that sounded suspiciously like his boyfriend. but that was ridiculous, everything is so loud and bright that he most definitely imagined it?
and he loses track of senri in the crowd, but it's packed, so he figures that he just isn't looking at the right spots.
so when the show ends and he walks off the stage, he's more than a little surprised when he sees senri.
he borrowed a scarf from someone to throw around his neck because he's sure that being elbowed in the throat will bruise? he hopes his voice is fine when he greets taka - ]
Good show, Taka!
[it's a little scratchy but he can blame that on
you know the show
iT'S FINE, HE'S FINE, HE DIDN'T HAVE AN ENCOUNTER WITH THE PIT AT ALL]
[ taka has never really been a fan of doing the lives? opening his heart to other is not something he is good at, and it had gotten worse after he and senri broke up. he hadn't mentioned how sick everyone got the first time he had to make an attempt after, but he assumes senri has probably heard about it by now.
so.
they're backstage now, waiting for their turn to go on after yuma and yanagi. it's fine. they're fine? it's probably fine. it's just their first time doing this since they got together, and it's been months since senri has done a live at all but it's FINE ]
and senri will believe that too. it's going to work out, one way or another, and he glances over at taka. they're still waiting on standby, so he thinks he can take a second to reach out and hold onto his boyfriend's hand before bringing it up to his mouth so he can kiss the back of it]
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a shot of depresso
for a little bit.
but then the weeks go on, and their schedules match less and less due to work and time zones. there are days where they don't speak to each other at all, either because things are too hectic for them to remember to send a greeting or that they just barely miss when the other calls. but still, it's fine. because it's not going to last forever and senri will be back soon, and they'l go back to being attached to the hip, although taka does make a mental note of how they will need to get used to spending long periods of time away from each other before something like this happens again.
june 6th is one of the days where they don't speak to each other at all.
taka knows that this is senri's birthday, and he had been planning on calling him and also sending him flowers for once in his life. but he's currently working on a case that's... a little intense. his father doesn't usually like to involve taka in anything that might be too traumatic, but an emergency came up and it was thrust into his hands anyway. he hasn't been sleeping properly because of it and has been spending all of his free time trying to solve the thing, so when the 6th creeps up, despite taka's planning, it goes by unnoticed.
rip ]
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... until life happened. the show that senri came to london in the first place kicked off, and taka continues to have cases in japan. timezones made it hard for them to call, and it was almost impossible to schedule times for them to call in the first place. messages went unanswered, or answered late, and senri knew for a fact that it wasn't fair for him to be unhappy when he was just as guilty - so he started to see more and more people to fill his time.
even if it left less for taka.
but they'd be fine. they'd be back together in just a few more weeks, a few more weeks, and unfortunately senri can't manage to get a quick break to go back to japan for his birthday. his friends cheer him up with a party, and his other friends cheer him up with a party, and his needs are attended to the whole day - except for when he laughs and tells people "okay, okay, but taka's gonna call, so don't be mad if I have to disappear!" they laugh and coo about how nice it is that even after long-distance, senri's still in love.
... and he is.
and he's still in love when taka doesn't call too.
maybe that's the worst part.
he thinks about calling instead, but his pride says that he shouldn't have to be the one to remind his boyfriend about his birthday. he thinks about tweeting or instagramming something, but that'd worry his followers and friends and ruin his perfectly curated life of fun and adventure. so he settles on a text, once it's no longer the 6th in london or tokyo, and there's no way to hold onto hope that taka remembered his birthday.]
i didn't even matter enough to get a spot on your calendar did i
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he managed to fall asleep when it comes in, but noise coming from one of the other dorm rooms jerk him away. he suddenly understands how kasuka feels every time he and senri made too much noise... and it's that reminder of senri that has been suddenly standing and frantically reaching for his phone to check the time.
he's see that, and also the notification from senri's text. ]
Fuck.
[ it's unfortunate. because taka knows he's in the wrong, and that he's the one who messed up and should be begging to be forgiven? he is completely aware of this.
but the tone of senri's text aggravates him. because it isn't true, and senri could have just asked like a normal person why he didn't call him, but neither he nor senri can really function as normal when it comes to each other.
so, instead of apologizing, taka makes it worse. ]
Can you use your brain a little before sending things like that?
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he picked a fight and he got one - and yet staring down at the text still manages to upset him. he used his brain. he tried to give taka the benefit of the doubt and waited until there was no hope at all for either of them to still be on senri's birthday, and then that's when he lost all hope. even a last minute call would've left senri annoyed - but he would've been overall happier to just hear taka's voice at all.
but nothing. not a text. not a card. not a tweet. not even a roundabout greeting through yuma or touji.
but he can't think to express how angry he is through text alone.
so he calls.
and the second taka picks up, senri doesn't even say hello.]
I've been using my brain all day - trying to make up excuses for why a genius detective can remember every fact under the sun, except his own boyfriend's birthday....!
[it's the first time they've had the chance to call each other in weeks - and it's like this.]
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senri would still be upset, and he deserves to be, because taka did fuck up. but the fight would probably end if he did, and they could move on to trying to navigate through the hurt feelings and find a peaceful solution. it wouldn't be perfect, but it would still be better than fighting, and even if senri is angry right now, taka knows him well enough to understand that if senri knew there was an actual reason why taka forgot then he wouldn't stay hostile.
but
the problem is that both of them suffer from being very bad at backing down from a fight. it usually takes one of them storming off so they can cool down then regroup after to talk about it. but the only way to do that right now is to hang up, and because of the thousands and thousands of miles between them, it's really not the same as just storming out of the dorm room to take a quick walk around campus. ]
You're way too loud. Calm down.
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[he should calm down. because senri, when he's calmer, can navigate through social situations as easy as breathing. he could give taka the benefit of the doubt just one more time, and realize that his boyfriend cares about him, even if it hasn't felt like that lately. or maybe taka doesn't care about him as much lately, and even though it'd hurt, they'd be able to talk about it. when they're both level-headed, they can manage. just barely, and imperfectly, but they can.]
Don't tell me to be calm...! I've been calm for 24 hours!! Even if you didn't greet me right at midnight, or even first thing when you woke up, or whenever you might've even had a chance to think about it...!
When Yumapi called, when Hari called, when everyone else called - I said "No, Taka hasn't called yet, but he will!"
And you couldn't even do that right!
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because of course everyone else remembered. senri knows so many people, has so many fans, that he was bound to be given birthday greeting after birthday greeting all day long. and taka feels shitty that he wasn't a part of that, enough that he actually starts to open his mouth to apologize
but then senri says the last part, and he clamps his mouth shut. he already knows he didn't do it right, he doesn't need the reminder. ]
... you're overreacting! It's just any other day! [ he doesn't mean that ] You've already gotten enough attention from everyone else, so don't be greedy!
[ he knows why it's different coming from him vs everyone else, but. ]
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well that was depresscito
for a time, he was perfectly in denial. even though the two of them had broken up, he'd never said as much. long distance was hard. they were just taking a break. it's not like there was anything definite about the way that they'd chosen to separate - except there was. it just didn't feel real until senri had to carefully clean up his social media, removing any mention of taka from his bios and quietly deleting any pictures he'd taken with captions that mentioned missing him.
as if they'd been broken up for much longer than they actually were.
he ignored comments as he went on other dates instead, met new people that he would try briefly to start something with - but everything felt different. they didn't banter quite right. they didn't hold his hand in a way that he liked. they weren't taka.
he kept trying anyway - up until chizuru threatened to keep senri held back a year if he stayed in london any longer than he already had. yanagi, after all they'd been through, wasn't even remotely understanding as he denied senri's request to stay in their room for just - a little while.
which is how he comes in now, at the crack of down months after they broke up, and still trying to quietly bring his stuff into the room without waking up taka.]
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he felt like he was proven right in a sense, that deepening your bonds with others was a waste and would only lead to hurt. except he didn't want to be right about this. ironically, apparently heartbreak really is great fuel for music. he joined a band. he helped the student council. he did absolutely anything he could to fill the spaces that senri once occupied, because every time he walked anywhere in this city, from the convenience store to the school to even his bed, he was reminded of senri nito.
when senri creeps in, taka is asleep on the couch. again. he stopped trying to sleep in his own bed several months ago because it felt too big now. he tried sleeping in senri's once and he almost jumped out of it. so, the couch it is, even if it also carries more memories than he'd like. ]
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Senri wanders into their room quietly and blinks in quiet surprise when he notices that Taka has taken up their couch as his place to sleep - did he fall asleep there after working on a case? but he doesn't have anything around him and it didn't look like any of their video game systems on.... he frowns because there can be no way that's good for his back - but it's also not senri's business. he shakes his head out of those thoughts and quietly leaves his luggage in the corner, just barely polite enough to leave it for the morning so he can crawl up to his bed and try to sleep.
.... but even for months before he left for London, he hadn't slept in this bed. it feels odd and awkward and even despite his absurdly long flight he doesn't feel sleep get any closer to taking him. he tells himself to push through it, because he eventually learned how to fall asleep in his bed in London without taka too.
(admittedly his remedy for that was wearing the hoodie he'd borrowed from him, which still smelled enough like his boyfriend to put Senri at ease.)
.... it doesn't feel right when taka is right there, so close and yet so far.
he doesn't know what drives him to actually move after an hour of no sleep. he doesn't know if it's smart, or if it'll set off a fight. but he grabs the closest blanket that can cover them both and brings it to the couch. he throws it over taka first, and then he takes a breath in and
crawls in next to him
and quietly hopes.]
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he hadn't expected senri to be back now. but he's still groggy enough that he's not sure what the time actually is or if maybe he forgot about the day again. he doesn't even need to open his eyes to know who it is though; they've shared a bed so many times that it would be more surprising if taka forgot how it felt.
they're broken up. he should tell senri to go back to bed, or he should get up and move somewhere else.
instead, he just shifts over so that senri won't be too close to the edge. he almost, almost wraps an arm around him out of habit, but he manages not to cross that line at least. ]
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... he's a really kind person, even if he doesn't show it well. it's in the little ways like this, where even if he's half-asleep, his gut instinct isn't to shove senri away even though they broke up. even though there are probably just as many hurt feelings as there are good memories.
but senri will always push and push and push for more. he nestles in against taka, presses his face against his shoulder, and breathes in.
then, far too tellingly, he breathes out a sigh of relief, and relaxes as they fit together just as well as they did all those months ago.
... it'll be bad in the morning. senri knows that too. but for right now, it's easy to close his eyes, and forget, and feel only like he's coming home.]
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it shouldn't be, because you can only be so comfortable on a couch, and the space is cramped with the two of them on it, but he's never felt so at ease in... well. he knows how long, right til the day.
so he falls asleep, cuddled as closely to senri as he dares, and he's grateful that the other was willing to toe the line there because he wasn't going to. it's fine. it's almost like never had happened at all, and that there wasn't ever any distance between them.
except then the morning comes.
when he wakes up, he doesn't open his eyes. because if senri is awake, he would rather not know cause then he'd be forced to move. ]
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senri vs the pit
but he's an idiot in love! and that means going to see one of taka's shows just like how taka went to see his. he didn't mind going early to the venue with him for sound check and hanging out before the show, and even was happy to use the opportunity to lightly retaliate against everyone who told him 'taka's old boyfriend was lame'
it's fine!
he wanted to try being out in the crowd though - given that the leader of The Bambiz was coming to the show, and Senri thought it'd be fine to hang out with Takeshi and watch like a proper audience member.
he forgot The Pit.
because takeshi is a good friend but he's just as much a punk emo shithead as taka, and he doesn't think twice about the pit. and even though senri was just on the periphery of the pit, it absolutely swallowed him whole anyway. his yelp is audible, and even when he does find his way back out, it's not without damage because someone totally elbowed him in the throat and suckerpunched him and he hates emos he totally hates emos
he flees and finds his way backstage instead to safely watch the rest of the show
away from the pit]
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and he loses track of senri in the crowd, but it's packed, so he figures that he just isn't looking at the right spots.
so when the show ends and he walks off the stage, he's more than a little surprised when he sees senri.
for more than one reason. ]
What the fuck.
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he borrowed a scarf from someone to throw around his neck because he's sure that being elbowed in the throat will bruise? he hopes his voice is fine when he greets taka - ]
Good show, Taka!
[it's a little scratchy but he can blame that on
you know the show
iT'S FINE, HE'S FINE, HE DIDN'T HAVE AN ENCOUNTER WITH THE PIT AT ALL]
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because taka is just pointing at his own face then at senri's ]
You.
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Me....?
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[ he's getting in senri's space to inspect that. ]
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what the fuck is d!ing
so.
they're backstage now, waiting for their turn to go on after yuma and yanagi. it's fine. they're fine? it's probably fine. it's just their first time doing this since they got together, and it's been months since senri has done a live at all but it's FINE ]
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and senri will believe that too. it's going to work out, one way or another, and he glances over at taka. they're still waiting on standby, so he thinks he can take a second to reach out and hold onto his boyfriend's hand before bringing it up to his mouth so he can kiss the back of it]
Let's blow them out of the water.
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because it's true that taka doesn't like letting other people in, but... there is someone he did, and he's standing right here. ]
We do need to catch up.
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[that's how you know his game face is on]
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[ bitch....... ]
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[sdlkfj]
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