they're at the airport. they arrived late because of bad weather making the traffic horrible, and neither of them were used to how thing worked in london to really predict that. taka and senri said their goodbye, and it's just as taka is walking past the entrance to security when senri blurts it out.
i love you.
and taka turns, shocked, but there's a line and he's already through the checkpoint and technically, he could probably go back, but his legs keep walking forward and his face is red and is brain is mush as those three words repeat again and again. and it's on the plane where he decides that yes, he loves senri back, but he can't say it through text or a phone call. and it's where he decides that he'll plan another trip back to london as soon as he can so he can say it back, properly, and kiss him.
except then they both get busy, and he can't find time to go to london, and senri isn't able to return to japan, and they fight, and break up, and suddenly there is no one to say i love you to.
but not now. he squeezes senri's hand, and lifts his gaze so he can look directly at him .]
You probably don't feel the same anymore. [ he missed his chance, he knows it, ] But I love you. I still love you.
on that day, when he said it - he didn't care about hearing it back. nothing mattered more than just letting taka know that he loved him, because he couldn't hold it in anymore. he couldn't let taka get on the plane without admitting that he loved him, even though they would be apart for a while but it would be okay, because they'd always come back together.
he told taka after - don't worry about saying it back, I'll be patient just this once.
until he worried that maybe taka just didn't feel it after all, and he would be waiting forever for something that wasn't going to come.
except for now - when he hears it not just once, but twice. when he forgets how to breathe for a second as he stares at taka wide-eyed.]
.... you—
[he's probably holding onto taka's hand too tight]
... don't just - assume how I feel about things....?!
[and he stops squeezing, but he doesn't let go. he still holds on, because he doesn't know what else to do.
he's always held onto taka just a little bit too tight, and never really figured out how to let go. he takes a breath in and he lets the words repeat in his head because - taka loved him then, and maybe more importantly.... taka still loves him now. even after everything he said, even after every mistake he made, even after he did all sorts of dumb things just to be cruel and get him to be jealous and.]
... I don't deserve you, do I....
[it's a small thought, and it's so quietly voiced, but he shakes his head.]
But I...
[and he breathes out a laugh, almost disbelieving]
I love you. I never stopped. Even when I was being an idiot - maybe especially when I was being an idiot.... I still loved only you, and still do.
[ he was preparing himself for the worst. senri doesn't love him anymore. that he's going to try to break the partnership again because being here is filled with too many bitter memories. there are so many different ways for this to go wrong, and then
it doesn't.
taka isn't sure what to do now. he blinks, once then twice, and he looks down at their joint hands and then back to senri's face.
he loves him, he loves him, it doesn't matter which one is the he or him because he loves him. ]
You're always an idiot.
[ his other hand hovers right above senri's cheek, the slightest movement making it touch. ]
and he thinks about it - but not for very long at all. because when faced with a question like that, after all the time they've been apart, and the months of silence, and all the time that he faced without taka....
the fingers on his free hand curl into the cloth of taka's shirt, and he leans into his offered touch.]
[ senri really could find someone else, if he's given time. maybe another actor or just someone he runs into on accident. and they're sweet and romantic and everything senri has dreamed about when he imagined his love life.
and yet, taka still leans in, so very slowly. his lips brush against senri's hesitantly, like he's forgotten how to do this. but then he kisses him, soft and gentle and it carries another apology that he couldn't quite put into words.
[it's not like senri hasn't been kissed in months. he has and yet - every time, it came with a feeling of irritation, of defensiveness, like it was something that shouldn't have happened no matter what flirting or invitation came before.
he knows now that it's because nothing could ever really compare to this.
his eyes flutter closed even as taka kisses him softly, and his heart aches with the warmth of it. it's overwhelming even if it's so featherlight, and senri's fingers curl tighter into taka's shirt as if to hold onto him, as if to make sure that there's no chance that he could ever leave again.
senri sighs into the kiss even as he automatically chases after another one before he can stop himself.
[ taka decides right then and there that he doesn't care if senri might get everything he dreamed of with someone else.
he kisses senri again, more urgently, like he's been waiting for this moment to arrive and now that it finally has he isn't sure how to handle it. all he can focus on is senri, and senri, and senri ]
there's no way that anyone else would manage to make senri feels as ecstatic as he does now. the more urgent kiss encourages him to wrap his arms around taka's neck, pulling him close so that there's no space left in between them as senri chases after the affection that he'd been craving for months.
from taka, and only taka.]
Will you say it again? [asking for big romantic favors between kisses might not be smart but oh well] Will you keep saying it?
[ he pulls back enough just so he can study senri's face. the logical conclusion is that they're going to get back together but taka does not want to assume without them saying it out loud first. ]
Do you mean...
[ he kissss him again. ]
I love you. I love you. I love you.
[ he'll say it for every day they weren't together, because he knows himself and eventually he's going to get too embarrassed to say it often, as with 'like' ]
[yeah, that's exactly what he meant. he'd love to say as much but he's basically melting into a happy puddle full of warmth and romantic feelings as he leans into every kiss that's offered to him. his fingers curl into taka's hair just to keep him close even as senri hums a happy note]
Mm, I—
[he's getting so happy he's a little incoherent even as he laughs and smiles against taka's lips, still trying to kiss him even as he runs out of breath]
Me too. I love you too.
[just so that taka knows. just so that he's aware that senri feels the same, as if it isn't so plainly obvious in this moment]
[ it's funny, because taka was really expecting them to just avoid each other until they blew up into a fight or senri finally managed to find a way out of the partnership.
he didn't think it would end up like this. ]
... I didn't want to date ever again.
[ it's an admittance he hasn't really outright said, mostly because he didn't want people to know he was that upset over senri. but. ]
senri squirms but otherwise keeps clinging even as he pouts and buries his face in taka's shoulder]
I was already losing my mind! I asked both Take-kun and Yumapi all the time if you were seeing anyone - and what if you actually were?! I didn't think it through that far....!
[what the fuck he's so mad about these confessions that he had no idea happened?? he's just going to frown and pout and get caught up in his own jealousy all too easily]
Who was it? Tenma?!
[tendo,]
Of course she waits until I'm out of the picture to try again like a snake!
[he tries really hard to stay mad. it's probably painfully easy to read on his face as he wars through the different emotions because his insides are melting at such a plain declaration of affection after so long without it, but also senri needs to fight whoever confessed to his -
... well, not his boyfriend.
but in principle, yeah, his boyfriend.
he eventually sighs and resumes laying back down on taka, wrapping his arms around him and grumbling]
[ he could mention just how very terrible it was seeing senri mention going on dates online, but he doesn't want to completely kill the mood and also that's kind of hypocritical considering he said senri should date someone else?
like. he should have, but that didn't mean taka wanted him to. ]
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no subject
they're at the airport. they arrived late because of bad weather making the traffic horrible, and neither of them were used to how thing worked in london to really predict that. taka and senri said their goodbye, and it's just as taka is walking past the entrance to security when senri blurts it out.
i love you.
and taka turns, shocked, but there's a line and he's already through the checkpoint and technically, he could probably go back, but his legs keep walking forward and his face is red and is brain is mush as those three words repeat again and again. and it's on the plane where he decides that yes, he loves senri back, but he can't say it through text or a phone call. and it's where he decides that he'll plan another trip back to london as soon as he can so he can say it back, properly, and kiss him.
except then they both get busy, and he can't find time to go to london, and senri isn't able to return to japan, and they fight, and break up, and suddenly there is no one to say i love you to.
but not now. he squeezes senri's hand, and lifts his gaze so he can look directly at him .]
You probably don't feel the same anymore. [ he missed his chance, he knows it, ] But I love you. I still love you.
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on that day, when he said it - he didn't care about hearing it back. nothing mattered more than just letting taka know that he loved him, because he couldn't hold it in anymore. he couldn't let taka get on the plane without admitting that he loved him, even though they would be apart for a while but it would be okay, because they'd always come back together.
he told taka after - don't worry about saying it back, I'll be patient just this once.
until he worried that maybe taka just didn't feel it after all, and he would be waiting forever for something that wasn't going to come.
except for now - when he hears it not just once, but twice. when he forgets how to breathe for a second as he stares at taka wide-eyed.]
.... you—
[he's probably holding onto taka's hand too tight]
... don't just - assume how I feel about things....?!
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[ he needs to analyze what the fuck senri just said to him but he also doesn't want to leap to any conclusions and also
his hand hurts
like, so does his heart, but primarily his hand right now ]
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[and he stops squeezing, but he doesn't let go. he still holds on, because he doesn't know what else to do.
he's always held onto taka just a little bit too tight, and never really figured out how to let go. he takes a breath in and he lets the words repeat in his head because - taka loved him then, and maybe more importantly.... taka still loves him now. even after everything he said, even after every mistake he made, even after he did all sorts of dumb things just to be cruel and get him to be jealous and.]
... I don't deserve you, do I....
[it's a small thought, and it's so quietly voiced, but he shakes his head.]
But I...
[and he breathes out a laugh, almost disbelieving]
I love you. I never stopped. Even when I was being an idiot - maybe especially when I was being an idiot.... I still loved only you, and still do.
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it doesn't.
taka isn't sure what to do now. he blinks, once then twice, and he looks down at their joint hands and then back to senri's face.
he loves him, he loves him, it doesn't matter which one is the he or him because he loves him. ]
You're always an idiot.
[ his other hand hovers right above senri's cheek, the slightest movement making it touch. ]
... can I kiss you?
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[maybe he should say no?
and he thinks about it - but not for very long at all. because when faced with a question like that, after all the time they've been apart, and the months of silence, and all the time that he faced without taka....
the fingers on his free hand curl into the cloth of taka's shirt, and he leans into his offered touch.]
.... yeah.
Please.
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and yet, taka still leans in, so very slowly. his lips brush against senri's hesitantly, like he's forgotten how to do this. but then he kisses him, soft and gentle and it carries another apology that he couldn't quite put into words.
i love you, i'm sorry, we wasted so much time ]
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he knows now that it's because nothing could ever really compare to this.
his eyes flutter closed even as taka kisses him softly, and his heart aches with the warmth of it. it's overwhelming even if it's so featherlight, and senri's fingers curl tighter into taka's shirt as if to hold onto him, as if to make sure that there's no chance that he could ever leave again.
senri sighs into the kiss even as he automatically chases after another one before he can stop himself.
yet even against taka's lips he whispers]
.... I love you.
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he kisses senri again, more urgently, like he's been waiting for this moment to arrive and now that it finally has he isn't sure how to handle it. all he can focus on is senri, and senri, and senri ]
I love you, too.
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there's no way that anyone else would manage to make senri feels as ecstatic as he does now. the more urgent kiss encourages him to wrap his arms around taka's neck, pulling him close so that there's no space left in between them as senri chases after the affection that he'd been craving for months.
from taka, and only taka.]
Will you say it again? [asking for big romantic favors between kisses might not be smart but oh well] Will you keep saying it?
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Do you mean...
[ he kissss him again. ]
I love you. I love you. I love you.
[ he'll say it for every day they weren't together, because he knows himself and eventually he's going to get too embarrassed to say it often, as with 'like' ]
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Mm, I—
[he's getting so happy he's a little incoherent even as he laughs and smiles against taka's lips, still trying to kiss him even as he runs out of breath]
Me too. I love you too.
[just so that taka knows. just so that he's aware that senri feels the same, as if it isn't so plainly obvious in this moment]
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he didn't think it would end up like this. ]
... I didn't want to date ever again.
[ it's an admittance he hasn't really outright said, mostly because he didn't want people to know he was that upset over senri. but. ]
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Good.
I probably would've flown back in just to punch you if you did.
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You're so fucking rude.
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senri squirms but otherwise keeps clinging even as he pouts and buries his face in taka's shoulder]
I was already losing my mind! I asked both Take-kun and Yumapi all the time if you were seeing anyone - and what if you actually were?! I didn't think it through that far....!
[he would've just entirely combusted probably]
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[ groupies exist, unfortunately
but he turns so he can press a kiss to senri's cheek. ]
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because instead he's just managing a COMPLETELY AFFRONTED GASP as he pulls back and stares at taka like he's been betrayed]
You were what?!
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taka missed this. ]
What?
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[what the fuck he's so mad about these confessions that he had no idea happened?? he's just going to frown and pout and get caught up in his own jealousy all too easily]
Who was it? Tenma?!
[tendo,]
Of course she waits until I'm out of the picture to try again like a snake!
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so instead taka just leans in again to kiss senri. ]
I only want you.
[ he almost added "for some reason" but he manages to bite that down at the last second. ]
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... well, not his boyfriend.
but in principle, yeah, his boyfriend.
he eventually sighs and resumes laying back down on taka, wrapping his arms around him and grumbling]
... you should just say that sooner.
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[ he could mention just how very terrible it was seeing senri mention going on dates online, but he doesn't want to completely kill the mood and also that's kind of hypocritical considering he said senri should date someone else?
like. he should have, but that didn't mean taka wanted him to. ]
Maybe you shouldn't go to any of my shows then.
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he's quiet for a long second and then he's just going to mumble.]
... well, I want to go... if you want me there....
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[ he's just
saying that now so it's out there ]
But I want you there.
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