werites | it's been x days since takasen

[ it's fine?? it's fine.

taka will just... walk over to the table so he can sift through the book. he does eventually close it and sets it aside for later, mostly because it feels awkward?? whether or not he notices senri's discontent is up in the air since

even if he did, he won't bring it up like he normally would. the last thing he wants to do right now is start a fight considering how their last fight ended. ]

[senri hates how he can't help but sneak a peek over to taka as he's reading, and how he hopes that he really does like the book, and how he wants him to enjoy it like the nerd that he is

and then he picks up the box of other shit he got for taka and angrily tosses it into his closet and slams the doors a bit more roughly than he would otherwise, because he's mad that he can't give it to his boyfriend to kill him because he doesn't have a boyfriend anymore

his phone goes off again and he picks it up - and it's small talk for a bit where he stubbornly keep his back to taka, up until it gets to planning some time to meet up and

senri oh so casually leans back against his desk and watches taka out of the corner of his eye]

Sure, let's make it a date!

[senri: ya ofc i wanna get over him
senri: i should get over him so loudly just to see if he notices]

[ it's a good thing taka put the book down because he would have definitely dropped it right then

and like, taka is very aware that senri had gone on dates in london. he's seen the statuses until he had to mute senri's accounts, and then people would bring it up to him. oh, he's awful isn't he, shishimaru-kun? he's just showing off! and while taka understood why they would tell him this, it just made him angrier to be pitied

so. he's not entirely surprised by this, but it still pisses him off that senri would have the nerve to flaunt it like this. he actually starts to reach for the book to flat out throw it at his head, but he manages to instead step away from the table. ]

Tch... horny rabbit.

[ it's fine? it's fine.

although now the insult is said much more harshly than the last time he did. ]

[PLEASE, THIS BOOK DID NOTHING TO DESERVE THIS

but senri seems to ignore taka's comment as he finishes up making his plans - just tomorrow, just for dinner, it's... just a theater friend so senri doesn't think it's actually romantic at all he just wanted to use the word to piss taka off.

apparently it worked.

he hangs up and tilts his head as he faces taka.]

Isn't this what you wanted? For me to find someone who can actually take care of me?

["... you'd be a lot happier with someone else anyway" was what taka said - and senri hasn't been able to forget it. the resignation, the acceptance that he didn't want to try anymore, the way it broke his heart into tiny little pieces that he still hasn't quite fit back together

... though the irony is that senri hasn't found that yet, no matter how hard he's looked.]

It's what you wanted, too.

[ he would say more, he almost does, but he reels it in. he's still trying to avoid a fight because he's honestly scared of what he might say if he gets angry for real here, and that's bound to happen if they start to seriously argue.

there are a lot of things he's wanted to say to senri over the last few months, and he doesn't plan on saying any of them.

it's not a lie if he doesn't say anything at all, right? ]

It's - what?

[his grip on his phone tightens so much that it might nearly break - up until he forces himself to relax.

but the shock is clearly written on his face and - maybe taka isn't completely wrong. maybe senri did want someone to take care of him, but there's one clear difference between them and that's the fact that he always thought taka could be that person. maybe if senri got a little easier to take care of, or maybe taka tried just a little bit more -

'I just wanted you, you stupid asshole.'

he wants to say it - he doesn't, because he doesn't want to admit to it.

and instead he just roughly shakes his head and walks past him, headed over the tv.

he doesn't want to do this again.]

You were getting tired of bending backwards for me.

[ he quotes it coolly, evenly. he almost went with another line, the "i could've had anyone," one, but thinking about that particular one still hurts too much.

still. he doesn't want this to become a fight, so he'll go to gather his things so he can hop into the shower. he wonders idly if senri is still a morning shower person or if that changed in europe, and the only reason he doesn't chastise himself for thinking about it is because they're roommates and it might come up eventually. ]

[ - that makes him wince.

because there were plenty of things that he said that were rude, that were unwarranted, and that's one of them. he said it in a fit of anger, and even then he knew that it was a lie. it was something that made sense at the time, but....

he shakes his head, because whatever - they're... broken up. and that realization is settling on senri the longer that he's back, because they're not just on a break. they're not just going to make up as easy as breathing. they're not going to gravitate back together the way that they're supposed to, because they're not meant to be together.

it doesn't mean he has to like it.

but he'll rub at his face before going to sit in front of the tv anyway, putting in an old game that he hasn't touched since he left - just to try to settle into something familiar that has less to do with taka]

[ he takes a much longer shower than he usually does because he doesn't want to go back to that room.

he thought he prepared himself for senri being back, but it's... hard. being reminded of him every day just by waking up and seeing his stuff was hard. but seeing the actual living, breathing person is torture, and taka doesn't know if he wants to hit him or kiss him.

which actually was the general mood while they were still dating, except now taka can't really do either without a major consequence.

but he can't delay it any longer so he eventually leaves the bathroom. when he spots senri on the couch though, he has a... problem. because that's where he sleeps. he hasn't slept in his bed in months, and he's not really sure if he'll be able to now yet.

but he can't sit where senri is, so he just goes to put his uniform away. ]

[it's annoying - how time passes and senri thinks it's odd that taka takes longer showers now. when did he start that habit? why? is he washing his hair more often? admittedly senri does like the smell of taka's shampoo -

and then he kills a monster whose health bar was already in red with a special attack, making it totally overkill. it makes him feel a little better.

but senri isn't sleepy at all, thanks to jet lag and still not adjusting to timezones. he also doesn't seem to really notice taka operating around him, or maybe he's trying specifically to ignore him, and that's why his eyes are still glued to the screen as he takes up most of the couch]

[ this is fine?

taka isn't really that tired, but he doesn't want to leave the room again and he doesn't want to do anything that would attract the attention of senri. so he decides to just go to bed instead, and puts on his headphones to try to drown the noise out

and he

is not falling asleep. ]

[you know, senri doesn't think it's weird - though he does look up the stairs to where taka's sleeping and pouts briefly. he wants to crawl in to sleep too... even if he can't actually fall asleep right away, he wants to cuddle with taka and.

he wants to be not broken up anymore.

but it's not something he can fix just by himself, so he sighs and just presses his face into a pillow briefly before clocking in more hours on his game. he thinks about grabbing a blanket soon.... maybe after this boss.]

[ eventually, taka gives up. his bed hadn't felt comfortable since he and senri broke up, and he was hoping that him being around again would fix that, but it hasn't.

he comes back down, his headphones still in, and he pauses at the foot of the stairs. there's still enough time so that he could pretend he came down for something else-- a glass of water, the bathroom, literally anything else

but in the end he goes to the couch and squeezes into the small space that senri isn't taking up. he tries to play it off like he's watching senri play until he closes his eyes. ]

[ . . . . senri pauses and squints.]

... do you need something?

[because they're. not dating anymore? so it's not like taka is here to just hang out with him, and it's not a game that they play together.

so.]

No.

[ well he needs senri to get up and go to bed, but he's not going to say that? the truth is too embarrassing to admit, and he really can't think of a good enough excuse as to why he's here.

he's quiet for a moment, before suddenly standing up and heading towards the front door. ]

I'm going to the kitchen.

[ there's no need to announce it. but taka is mostly hoping that senri will be done by the time he comes back, and then taka can quietly retake the couch without getting questioned about it. ]

[ . . . . no, he'd still get questioned about it. and senri just tilts his head at taka's announcement anyway. because - there's no need to tell him? there's not an offer to get him anything anyway.....

but senri

will not be up by the time that taka comes back from the kitchen. he's definitely still playing his game, but he's also... scooted over slightly on the couch so that there's room for taka if he wants to join him properly, and he's adjusted his sitting position so he can lay down in case he gets tired without touching senri too much

.... maybe he just wants to be close too, it's fine]

[ godDAMMIT senri go the fuck to sleep

taka just stares at him for a few seconds before reluctantly going to sit back down. he's mostly hoping that senri won't ask again? he wonders if he can say he wants to play a game too, except if that were true he probably would have said so already so that's also suspicious

hm

he closes his eyes again. ]

[ . . . . stupid.

senri watches taka for a second - before shaking his head and shifting quietly again so that there's more space for him too, so they're properly sharing the couch again. it's just what he would've done when they were dating and... they're not dating again, but it's hard to break old, ingrained habits

he keeps playing his game because - even if he goes back to his own bed, something tells him he won't be able to sleep anyway]

[ it's

well, it's not fine. taka definitely feels like he can fall asleep now, but he's not, mostly because he is so very aware of how close senri is. he can reach out and brush against him if he really wanted to, and he does want to--

he doesn't of course. he just keeps his eyes shut in the hopes that he'll become less aware of his ex and fall asleep. ]

[senri isn't waiting at all.

he's definitely not.

... but after a little while of taka's eyes being closed, he does glance over to see if he's asleep. and he watches. and waits. and... slowly but surely comes to realize that taka might just. sleep on the couch. and that's why he wasn't saying anything. he might deadass sleep here instead of his own bed, and that's why he wasn't in his bed the night before and

senri is tired of him.

. . .

he gets up, but doesn't turn his game off.

rather, he just runs up the stairs briefly to grab taka's blankets from his bed and carries them down the stairs, throwing them over taka. and then he crawls in next to him, brings his controller back into his hands, and is ready to keep playing his game just like this]

[ oh

well, now he definitely can't open his eyes. his cheeks heat up though, and he really hopes he's not blushing significantly enough for it to be noticed. then he finally just shifts slightly, so that his face is pointed away from senri. it's fine. it can just be that the sudden added weight on top of him made him stir. it's fine.

mostly he just wonders what the fuck does this even mean ]

[it means senri's gay more than he is smart

but that's always been a fact. he freezes for a second when taka shifts, and he flinches like he's gonna wait for taka to yell at him for doing this shit, sort of like how he expected taka to yell at him for claiming to sleepwalk this morning but.

nope, he just settles in once it doesn't seem like taka's going to strangle him.

and he'll get up once more to turn out all the lights, but otherwise will probably fall asleep gaming

just like that]

[ senri nito is going to be the death of him one way or another.

but eventually taka does allow himself to settle against senri, and he does eventually fall asleep like that, as he pretends that this is normal.

it's funny, and sad, because taka knows a breakup isn't the end of the world. and it wasn't; life continued on. but it shifted his world just enough that he never felt like it would ever be the same again, like he lost his footing and couldn't fix it in time before he fell. but, for the first time in months, the world looks a little more like it used to.

and it's terrifying because it's not supposed to. ]

[ . . . they can pretend, and it'll be fine.

because in his sleep senri lets go of the controller and automatically turns toward taka, because taka is warm and he ends up pressed against him and clinging on just like he always did, because senri is needy even in his sleep. he nestles in there because it feels like coming home, and it feels as easy as breathing, and he

will panic in the morning.

because he's pretty sure that makes it too obvious and reveals something that he's always known and just tried to deny even to himself -

he just didn't want to admit that he's still in love with taka, even after all this time]

[ when he wakes up the next morning, he doesn't think anything is wrong

because this weight against him is so familiar that taka actually just nestles more against senri, moving so that his arm wraps around him and-- ah

that makes him open his eyes. ]

Wha...

[ he didn't mean to say anything but it still comes out anyway ]

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