[Can’t remember if he ever learned anything that telling from Scaramouche or his memories, but it’s fine. Imagine knowing one of Scaramouche’s original names, but not where the fuck he is from exactly.]
You don’t have to worry about it right now. I can sleep on your couch until we get it moved. I don’t mind.
[He wouldn’t mind Ryo coming in to the office if the rooms had been merged either, but he gets… the weirdness, so he doesn’t push it.]
[ HELP akira like "i know this very intimate detail about you but not where you're from" that's fair
but ryo nods his head, and then is... not entirely sure where to go from here. the same awkwardness from their last time together is starting to creep in again, and it's something they're going to have to figure out how to push past somehow. probably by talking. ryo still has no fucking idea how to talk about feelings because he has not been around anyone who tries to force him to do that since they separated.
he plays with a strand of his hair. ]
Mm, we'll see. You can take my bed too for now, if you'd like. I don't sleep that much anyway.
[Ryo isn’t the only one drowning in awkwardness. It makes him sad Ryo doesn’t sleep much, but only because he is more human leaning. He associates sleep and lack of sleep with mood, and he needs to remember Ryo isn’t human.
He takes a moment to glance around the office idly again before looking back at Ryo, watching Ryo play with the hair.
Coming back, meeting, he thought perhaps his feelings may have dulled enough to keep him grounded. But no… He is too emotional. Too empathetic. The fire of dormant interest starts rekindling, and he shifts his weight.]
I don’t mind that either. Ryo…
[He trails off, unsure of what would be best to even say.]
[ ugghhhh yeah he should have known that just saying he's fine and moving on wouldn't really fool akira, but it's been a while. ryo doesn't answer right away, choosing to think over some kind of response. ]
I have lived for a very long time, but time hasn't moved any more slowly than these years.
[ as someone who has been around since the universe was newly born, ryo didn't really think waiting around would be as agonizing as this. then again, he only had a human form fairly recently. living as one has likely impacted some things that weren't really an issue before, whether he likes it or not. ]
I've wanted to die. I've wanted to forget you. I've wanted to start a new life. I've wanted to kiss you again. I don't know how to answer how I've been, because I'm not sure other than I am alive and here, and now you're in front of me.
[While it hurts him to hear the truth, he does want to know how Ryo really feels, and how Ryo felt. He forces himself not to cry because he doesn’t think it’s going to help a single thing except his own relief, and that isn’t the point here.
Instead, he swallows quietly and hardens his jaw.]
I am. It’s okay to feel those ways.
[First of all. Even if he gets it’s hard for Ryo to deal with them.]
Do you really want me to stay, or do you want me to leave? I’m just asking to make sure.
he immediately reaches out to grip onto akira's arm when he asks that. ]
Stay. I want you here.
[ if akira really wanted to live elsewhere there is not much ryo can do about that outside of kidnapping him, but. there is a slight desperateness to his voice at the idea of akira showing up and then leaving. what if he doesn't come back again? ]
[It’s fine. He at least knows Ryo is not saying things to merely say them, that Ryo means them.
He isn’t sure, however, if this means Ryo is self-punishing, but he can try dealing that that later.
Slowly, he stands up, and he lifts his arms to thread them around Ryo’s neck. He hugs Ryo tightly into himself.]
I’ll stay, [he murmurs, reassuringly.] It’s been a while.
[He doesn’t want to talk about Kaoru or the others because he does remember what Ryo had told him before, but he feels he has to ghost the edge in order to explain.]
It’s been a while since Kaoru died. I stayed because there were other friends. I didn’t know who would be next, so I stayed so the last one wouldn’t be alone. And then I stayed a little longer to make sure, and then I came back. I’ve had time.
[The years feel both so long and also like a drop in the bucket for him now.]
I experienced a lot. I learned a lot. But… that’s done now, and I’m going to stay here. And I think… we can start over if you want when you’re ready. I’m… willing to try again, but… I get it if… you don’t want to because I hurt you.
[Sometimes you just live so long that even experiencing some kind of piece of a life cannot, in the end, keep you from what essentially is your soulmate.]
[ he doesn't quite understand why akira would willingly sit through all of that, but even after all of these years, ryo can't really say that he's surprised. a little exasperated, maybe, but it's very much an akira thing to do.
there's a slight pause, but ryo wraps his arms around akira, leaning into him. ]
I'll try anything for you, Akira.
[ does that mean ryo will always succeed at those attempts, or do it in the exact way that akira might hope he would? no. but he's willing to at least try. especially now, after really learning just how empty everything feels with akira gone. he had known he was attached before, but it didn't quite hit him how extreme it was until he was on his own. ]
He gives Ryo a gentle squeeze, and then his arms slacken enough he can lean away and look Ryo in the face.] Yeah, we can. [Tenderly, he cards his fingers back through Ryo's hair near the temples. His smile is brief from the weight of the conversation, but it's there.]
I'm sorry I left you alone, Ryo. I left you after I died, and then I left you again. So I'm sorry. I just... I thought I'd like to try... a normal life, like the one I had before. But... I don't think I'll ever have a life like that anymore, not like I am. Not... as Devilman.
I meant it when I told you... that you're the only one who understands.
[ there will come a time where ryo might actually apologize fully for the devilman thing; he's skirted close to it, acknowledging fucked up aspects of it, but he still hasn't really said he's sorry for taking away akira's humanity from him. it's something to work towards to.
kind of like how there might come a time where he'll start to ask more questions about his life in the other world. it'll take more time, once the sting of it lessens, but... ryo isn't sure how easy it is to separate the things he does want to know and the things he'd prefer not to. ]
... we can try to have something normal. As normal as possible for us.
[ it won't ever be what akira had initially thought his life would be like, because there are some things no longer accessible to them. but ryo has at least been living a life of domesticity, so things like that aren't totally out of reach. ]
[Baby steps. His apology is quick because he is a lot more human, and has been, and has lived with humans in a more human life. He gets the slow process probably more now than he would have before.
Personal change is slow. Healing is slow. But they... have plenty of time? An eternity, it seems like.]
I know. We can. [It'd be as normal as the two of them are likely going to get.] You don't mind... if I spend the rest of time with you, right?
[He doesn't want the heartache of what happened to Kaoru and the others ever again. That sort of life, while fulfilling in certain ways, has tired him. It had scratched open old wounds of loss and pain. It had been so painful to endure.
He doesn't want anything like that again for as long as he lives. The fragile people who leave him behind as he had left Ryo.]
[ it's cute that akira asks if ryo minds when it's what he had wanted in the first place. granted, he gets why he's asking-- a lot has happened over the years that could have changed things. but it's still a little funny. ]
I don't mind, Akira.
[ even if akira ends up wanting to do some things by himself, even something as simple as going on a trip somewhere on his own, ryo wouldn't necessarily mind. ryo isn't clingy enough to expect them to spend every second together. ]
There's no one else I'd want to be with. [ jd meows. ] Yeah, sure, cat.
[STOP, listen. He already knew Ryo's answer because it's Ryo, but it's fine. He has to be polite enough to ask... Maybe if he keeps being conscious of these things, Ryo will also learn... to do similar things too.]
His name is JD.
[He smiles lopsidedly and shifts so he can pick the cat up for a face kiss. Then he puts JD down on the desk beside the two of them.]
Please don't tell me he thinks his name is Cat because that's all you called him.
[THIS CAT MIGHT NOT KNOW ITS NAME, HELP HIM!! It's so stupid how he brightens a little more when Ryo bestows the kitty affection. This is his twice-dead cat...
He reaches out to scritch the other side of JD's head briefly.]
I thought you might like animals. Since... they're a little like demons sometimes.
But they've done the least amount of harm to the planet, I think. I guess some species are far more intelligent than others, but you can say that about humans and demons too. And the cat is really good at alerting when Graham is nearby.
[He frowns in that same sort of disgusted way at Ryo's amusement. DON'T BE AMUSED. ALSO!!! He knows you're talking about murder, you asshole! But he cannot say anything against it because they are in hell, so it doesn't matter at all.]
[His eyes close. Still forever a sucker for having fingers in his hair. He puts the tips of his fingers on the desk on each side of Ryo, leaning his weight on them.]
I don’t know… Maybe take a nap.
[But then he would be asleep and miss the start of his time with Ryo.
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no subject
You don’t have to worry about it right now. I can sleep on your couch until we get it moved. I don’t mind.
[He wouldn’t mind Ryo coming in to the office if the rooms had been merged either, but he gets… the weirdness, so he doesn’t push it.]
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but ryo nods his head, and then is... not entirely sure where to go from here. the same awkwardness from their last time together is starting to creep in again, and it's something they're going to have to figure out how to push past somehow. probably by talking. ryo still has no fucking idea how to talk about feelings because he has not been around anyone who tries to force him to do that since they separated.
he plays with a strand of his hair. ]
Mm, we'll see. You can take my bed too for now, if you'd like. I don't sleep that much anyway.
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He takes a moment to glance around the office idly again before looking back at Ryo, watching Ryo play with the hair.
Coming back, meeting, he thought perhaps his feelings may have dulled enough to keep him grounded. But no… He is too emotional. Too empathetic. The fire of dormant interest starts rekindling, and he shifts his weight.]
I don’t mind that either. Ryo…
[He trails off, unsure of what would be best to even say.]
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Shall we talk? I'm sure you have questions.
[ might as well just jump into it, he supposes. the more they dance around this the more suffocating the uncertainty might get.
ryo walks over and hops onto the top of his desk. he gestures at the chair for akira to sit, if he would like to. ]
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[Again, he hesitates, then he moves over to sit in the chair near Ryo. He drinks from the bottle before putting it on the desk out of Ryo’s way.]
We don’t have to talk if you don’t want to talk.
[He remembers… how Ryo used to be about talking, about emotions. He tips his head to peer at Ryo, expression soft.]
I… just want to know how you’ve really been. That’s all I care about. If you’re okay. And if you’re not… that’s fine too.
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I have lived for a very long time, but time hasn't moved any more slowly than these years.
[ as someone who has been around since the universe was newly born, ryo didn't really think waiting around would be as agonizing as this. then again, he only had a human form fairly recently. living as one has likely impacted some things that weren't really an issue before, whether he likes it or not. ]
I've wanted to die. I've wanted to forget you. I've wanted to start a new life. I've wanted to kiss you again. I don't know how to answer how I've been, because I'm not sure other than I am alive and here, and now you're in front of me.
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Instead, he swallows quietly and hardens his jaw.]
I am. It’s okay to feel those ways.
[First of all. Even if he gets it’s hard for Ryo to deal with them.]
Do you really want me to stay, or do you want me to leave? I’m just asking to make sure.
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he immediately reaches out to grip onto akira's arm when he asks that. ]
Stay. I want you here.
[ if akira really wanted to live elsewhere there is not much ryo can do about that outside of kidnapping him, but. there is a slight desperateness to his voice at the idea of akira showing up and then leaving. what if he doesn't come back again? ]
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He isn’t sure, however, if this means Ryo is self-punishing, but he can try dealing that that later.
Slowly, he stands up, and he lifts his arms to thread them around Ryo’s neck. He hugs Ryo tightly into himself.]
I’ll stay, [he murmurs, reassuringly.] It’s been a while.
[He doesn’t want to talk about Kaoru or the others because he does remember what Ryo had told him before, but he feels he has to ghost the edge in order to explain.]
It’s been a while since Kaoru died. I stayed because there were other friends. I didn’t know who would be next, so I stayed so the last one wouldn’t be alone. And then I stayed a little longer to make sure, and then I came back. I’ve had time.
[The years feel both so long and also like a drop in the bucket for him now.]
I experienced a lot. I learned a lot. But… that’s done now, and I’m going to stay here. And I think… we can start over if you want when you’re ready. I’m… willing to try again, but… I get it if… you don’t want to because I hurt you.
[Sometimes you just live so long that even experiencing some kind of piece of a life cannot, in the end, keep you from what essentially is your soulmate.]
no subject
there's a slight pause, but ryo wraps his arms around akira, leaning into him. ]
I'll try anything for you, Akira.
[ does that mean ryo will always succeed at those attempts, or do it in the exact way that akira might hope he would? no. but he's willing to at least try. especially now, after really learning just how empty everything feels with akira gone. he had known he was attached before, but it didn't quite hit him how extreme it was until he was on his own. ]
We can experience more things together.
no subject
He gives Ryo a gentle squeeze, and then his arms slacken enough he can lean away and look Ryo in the face.] Yeah, we can. [Tenderly, he cards his fingers back through Ryo's hair near the temples. His smile is brief from the weight of the conversation, but it's there.]
I'm sorry I left you alone, Ryo. I left you after I died, and then I left you again. So I'm sorry. I just... I thought I'd like to try... a normal life, like the one I had before. But... I don't think I'll ever have a life like that anymore, not like I am. Not... as Devilman.
I meant it when I told you... that you're the only one who understands.
no subject
kind of like how there might come a time where he'll start to ask more questions about his life in the other world. it'll take more time, once the sting of it lessens, but... ryo isn't sure how easy it is to separate the things he does want to know and the things he'd prefer not to. ]
... we can try to have something normal. As normal as possible for us.
[ it won't ever be what akira had initially thought his life would be like, because there are some things no longer accessible to them. but ryo has at least been living a life of domesticity, so things like that aren't totally out of reach. ]
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Personal change is slow. Healing is slow. But they... have plenty of time? An eternity, it seems like.]
I know. We can. [It'd be as normal as the two of them are likely going to get.] You don't mind... if I spend the rest of time with you, right?
[He doesn't want the heartache of what happened to Kaoru and the others ever again. That sort of life, while fulfilling in certain ways, has tired him. It had scratched open old wounds of loss and pain. It had been so painful to endure.
He doesn't want anything like that again for as long as he lives. The fragile people who leave him behind as he had left Ryo.]
no subject
I don't mind, Akira.
[ even if akira ends up wanting to do some things by himself, even something as simple as going on a trip somewhere on his own, ryo wouldn't necessarily mind. ryo isn't clingy enough to expect them to spend every second together. ]
There's no one else I'd want to be with. [ jd meows. ] Yeah, sure, cat.
no subject
His name is JD.
[He smiles lopsidedly and shifts so he can pick the cat up for a face kiss. Then he puts JD down on the desk beside the two of them.]
Please don't tell me he thinks his name is Cat because that's all you called him.
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He knows his name. I made sure that he's very intelligent.
[ how.....
but jd will get an idle ear scratch from ryo ]
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[THIS CAT MIGHT NOT KNOW ITS NAME, HELP HIM!! It's so stupid how he brightens a little more when Ryo bestows the kitty affection. This is his twice-dead cat...
He reaches out to scritch the other side of JD's head briefly.]
I thought you might like animals. Since... they're a little like demons sometimes.
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[ he watches akira pet the cat. ]
But they've done the least amount of harm to the planet, I think. I guess some species are far more intelligent than others, but you can say that about humans and demons too. And the cat is really good at alerting when Graham is nearby.
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His face turns exasperated and sour.]
That guy is still around...?
[He personally wasn't ever bothered by Graham like some of the others had been, but he still did not really like it.]
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but he just looks amused. ]
He is. Beating him up can be very therapeutic when you're stressed.
[ ryo actually means killing him but he makes an effort not to say that word ]
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Ryo...
[There is zero heat to this name call.]
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and instead of answering, he reaches over to start fixing akira's hair. it's still messy from the flight over. ]
Is there anything in particular you want to do?
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I don’t know… Maybe take a nap.
[But then he would be asleep and miss the start of his time with Ryo.
Even if they would have plenty of time.]
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Take my bed.
[ me waking up from a nap to the thread talking about naps ]
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He slowly manages to open his eyes, but he unfortunately now looks slightly more drowsy because he had closed them while Ryo played with his hair.]
Okay.
[He should really at least pretend to modestly reject this idea, but no. He won’t.]
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