[ the difficulty of wanting to know but at the same time wanting to dodge certain topics. he wants to know about his schooling, but not how he spent his free time while there, because he knows who it ties into. he wants to know if akira got a job, and if it was something he liked. he's scared of it skirting around more intimate things, like if they got married and had a family.
akira is with him now, but these are all reminders that ryo was never the first choice. he doesn't think he's even the second, considering how much time has passed.
[Ryo is suffering. But... Akira has the wherewithal to understand. So he tries not to talk about the parts he knows Ryo doesn't want to hear.
The question makes him sort of grin weakly. It takes him just a rusty second to parse it.]
I was in Boston for a while. It was... different. American cities aren't like Japanese cities at all. [(eiji voice)] But yeah, then I went back to Japan.
[He takes the rice so he can wash it and make sure it's still good.]
I was a model for a while, [Not because he thought he was sexy, but because the twins' family had big dealings in the fashion industry.] But... when we realized I wasn't aging, I stopped doing after too long so no one would find it suspicious. I couldn't really do a lot in public afterward... People might start asking questions.
[Did he have much of the life he expected to have if he had been able to age? No. He was kind of like... Rapunzel. After so long, he had to be hidden away, or be forced to reveal his Tuck Everlasting plot.]
the really fucked up part of ryo thinks it's kind of funny that if they continued to be around public, then kaoru would have seemed like a giant pervert, but also ryo thinks everything terrible should happen to him and he hopes his death was agonizing. he is, once again, smart enough to not say this out loud.
[He pauses to playfully flick some water onto JD who is chilling with them, just to watch JD get offended about it. The cat does not run away, merely sits there, offended. Familiar.
One shoulder shrugs.]
I kept learning English... because it reminded me of you.
[Under normal circumstances, he would have never admitted this probably. Since... he was like Ryo in the sense of not understanding at the time exactly why he did it. But now, looking back, he knows it was because it reminded him of Ryo.]
I modeled clothes, but not in magazines. Privately. I helped design some of them, I guess. [He watches what he's doing in a distant sort of way.] I learned how to work on motorcycles.
[ he glances away at the admittance. it's weird, because it was easier to imagine that akira had completely forgotten about him when he left. it made him not do something reckless, like rush to that world to do something potentially stupid.
he walks over and scoops up the cat, who struggles for a few seconds before calming down. ryo sets his chin on top of jd's head. ]
[Ryo slamming into that world to do something stupid would have been IC and also a funny AU. But sometimes, you shove your feelings out of the way to try to make a different choice even if you feel those feelings.
He glances at Ryo with JD, but then looks away again when he's asked the question.]
In a way, yeah, I was happy. But if I didn't stay busy, I would always feel like something was missing.
[ ryo squeezes jd a little too hard, and the cat reacts by swiping at his arm. ryo bops jd on the nose immediately in retaliation. the action is automatic because ryo is simply used to it at this point.
he just looks at akira for a long moment. ]
Emotions really are a funny thing. But you always had a lot of them.
[He turns his head to check on the two of them for a moment, but JD has been fine for a long time apparently, and also JD seems to have some spitfire... so he again looks away.]
I know.
[Time to make rice the old fashion way unless Ryo happens to have a rice cooker. The man doesn't fucking really eat.]
I thought about you a lot. [He doesn't mean to hurt Ryo's feelings in any way. Just... making conversation. Trying not to talk about Kaoru and the others, so instead, it falls once more to Ryo if it isn't himself.] Like... if I saw something interesting, or did something interesting, I'd wish I could show you, or tell you about it.
[But opening that bridge wouldn't have been a good idea maybe. And as much as Ryo hates Kaoru, it wouldn't have been fair to Kaoru either.]
[ they are definitely going to need to get a rice cooker at some point. ryo forces akira to use a fuckin pot.
some things probably would have been less painful if they saw each other, but... it would have ended poorly. ryo knows himself well enough that he probably would have done something crazy at some point, so it was better to just have a clean break. well... 'better' ]
You can tell me about it. Whatever you still remember.
[ it has been a long time. he doesn't expect akira to remember every little thing he wanted to tell him. ]
[ most of the pictures are going to be shit like, things for research purposes, the cat, and times where lavi stole his phone
but ryo nods, accepting the exchange. it's probably as good as they're going to get for this, when there's still so many things to avoid. maybe one day when things are less fresh, and they're further away from this specific hurt, ryo will be able to ask for more details. he is just nowhere near that point now. ]
I'm a little disappointed I can't see how you modeled.
[It’s fine. They will trade stupidity for stupidity since all of Akira’s are going to probably be idiotic. “I saw vanilla ice cream and it made me think of you.”
He doesn’t worry about the rest right now. He isn’t sure if there will even be a time Ryo is comfortable talking about the twins and the others, so he hinges nothing on it.]
I… [WHY IS HE SHY AND EMBARRASSED.] It wasn’t much really… I modeled company male lines. More of the alternative stuff, but sometimes brands would want me to do business looks if they were bold.
[ he tries to imagine it, but he supposes in hell akira did have fun with the different outfits. ryo hadn't bothered too much because everything was always hidden under his big ass coat that he doesn't even own anymore. rip to it, it was a real one ]
[That makes him laugh, quiet but genuine. He still seems a little embarrassed despite the bit of grin. He looks away!!
So he can focus on the right spices, maybe see if Ryo has a can of coconut milk, not because he is embarrassed. That’s definitely it.]
I guess? It wasn’t anything crazy since I was just a model, not like an actor or something. Mostly it was middle school girls, or… creepy older women, I guess.
[ gonna be honest. he will take the hosting news better than he would any actual real romantic news. these sorts of things are easier to deal with if he knows there's no real emotional attachment coming from akira while he does them. that is not to say he would not get jealous, but he would probably decide it's funnier than anything, once he thinks about it.
but hmmm. he sets jd onto the floor and the cat zooms off somewhere, likely to return as soon as they move to actually eat. ryo then walks over to akira, stopping behind him, and hooking his chin over akira's shoulder. he's peeking. ]
Did you ever travel to places further out then? Other countries?
[He is too nervous… Ryo will have plenty of time to hear about the idiocy of hosting later, though.
Briefly, he pauses as Ryo’s chin fits over his shoulder, giving Ryo room. But then he carries on with what he’s doing with the chicken. Gotta cook the chimkin.]
Yeah. A few times for modeling, but most were like vacations. Italy a lot. [Vincenzo…] A few places in Europe. Korea. Taiwan. New Zealand once. Oh. Dubai once. It was way too fancy, but the scenery was nice.
[ that's good, since akira probably would have had more freedom to move around away from japan. he thinks that it might have been nice to see those places with him, and then abandons the thought so he won't linger too long on what could have been. ]
[ the sea, huh... that's one thing you don't get here. there are islands that can simulate it rather well, but it's not really the same as the real thing.
he lightly bumps akira back. ]
That sounds nice. [ ... ] It's amazing, how beautiful the world can be when you get a chance to see it.
[ ah... that is an option. there's nothing really stopping them from not only staying in hell, unless they really want to be punishing to themselves.
but, at the same time, that kind of feels like it would be letting god win. if their fate was to always be miserable no matter what, then wouldn't it be nice to go out of their way to try not to be? ]
... we can. I can show you Teyvat, too.
[ he knows it rather well, and while there's probably some changes since the last time he's been, it's like not enough to make him lost. ]
[ there's a pause, and he will slowly wrap his arms around akira's waist. it's a loose hold, at least. ]
Right. Together. I'd like that.
[ something to look forward to. he already knows there are other versions of earth, anyway, going by the other people they were stuck here with. they can probably find one to visit if they want to be nostalgic without the whole potential baggage attached. ]
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akira is with him now, but these are all reminders that ryo was never the first choice. he doesn't think he's even the second, considering how much time has passed.
he shoots back in english, ]
Did you go back to Japan after?
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The question makes him sort of grin weakly. It takes him just a rusty second to parse it.]
I was in Boston for a while. It was... different. American cities aren't like Japanese cities at all. [(eiji voice)] But yeah, then I went back to Japan.
[He takes the rice so he can wash it and make sure it's still good.]
I was a model for a while, [Not because he thought he was sexy, but because the twins' family had big dealings in the fashion industry.] But... when we realized I wasn't aging, I stopped doing after too long so no one would find it suspicious. I couldn't really do a lot in public afterward... People might start asking questions.
[Did he have much of the life he expected to have if he had been able to age? No. He was kind of like... Rapunzel. After so long, he had to be hidden away, or be forced to reveal his Tuck Everlasting plot.]
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the really fucked up part of ryo thinks it's kind of funny that if they continued to be around public, then kaoru would have seemed like a giant pervert, but also ryo thinks everything terrible should happen to him and he hopes his death was agonizing. he is, once again, smart enough to not say this out loud.
so he just listens, and watches akira work. ]
What did you do to pass the time?
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One shoulder shrugs.]
I kept learning English... because it reminded me of you.
[Under normal circumstances, he would have never admitted this probably. Since... he was like Ryo in the sense of not understanding at the time exactly why he did it. But now, looking back, he knows it was because it reminded him of Ryo.]
I modeled clothes, but not in magazines. Privately. I helped design some of them, I guess. [He watches what he's doing in a distant sort of way.] I learned how to work on motorcycles.
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he walks over and scoops up the cat, who struggles for a few seconds before calming down. ryo sets his chin on top of jd's head. ]
Mm. Were you at least happy?
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He glances at Ryo with JD, but then looks away again when he's asked the question.]
In a way, yeah, I was happy. But if I didn't stay busy, I would always feel like something was missing.
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he just looks at akira for a long moment. ]
Emotions really are a funny thing. But you always had a lot of them.
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I know.
[Time to make rice the old fashion way unless Ryo happens to have a rice cooker. The man doesn't fucking really eat.]
I thought about you a lot. [He doesn't mean to hurt Ryo's feelings in any way. Just... making conversation. Trying not to talk about Kaoru and the others, so instead, it falls once more to Ryo if it isn't himself.] Like... if I saw something interesting, or did something interesting, I'd wish I could show you, or tell you about it.
[But opening that bridge wouldn't have been a good idea maybe. And as much as Ryo hates Kaoru, it wouldn't have been fair to Kaoru either.]
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some things probably would have been less painful if they saw each other, but... it would have ended poorly. ryo knows himself well enough that he probably would have done something crazy at some point, so it was better to just have a clean break. well... 'better' ]
You can tell me about it. Whatever you still remember.
[ it has been a long time. he doesn't expect akira to remember every little thing he wanted to tell him. ]
I took pictures. I can show you sometime.
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The idea of photos gets a weak, but genuine smile out of him. He starts hunting for spices before starting anything else.]
Okay. I want to see them. [Ryo took pictures…] For each picture I get to see, I’ll try to remember some of the stuff I wished I could have shown you.
If I can.
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but ryo nods, accepting the exchange. it's probably as good as they're going to get for this, when there's still so many things to avoid. maybe one day when things are less fresh, and they're further away from this specific hurt, ryo will be able to ask for more details. he is just nowhere near that point now. ]
I'm a little disappointed I can't see how you modeled.
[ he's still gay ]
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He doesn’t worry about the rest right now. He isn’t sure if there will even be a time Ryo is comfortable talking about the twins and the others, so he hinges nothing on it.]
I… [WHY IS HE SHY AND EMBARRASSED.] It wasn’t much really… I modeled company male lines. More of the alternative stuff, but sometimes brands would want me to do business looks if they were bold.
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[ he tries to imagine it, but he supposes in hell akira did have fun with the different outfits. ryo hadn't bothered too much because everything was always hidden under his big ass coat that he doesn't even own anymore. rip to it, it was a real one ]
Did you have fans?
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So he can focus on the right spices, maybe see if Ryo has a can of coconut milk, not because he is embarrassed. That’s definitely it.]
I guess? It wasn’t anything crazy since I was just a model, not like an actor or something. Mostly it was middle school girls, or… creepy older women, I guess.
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Ah. So like a real idol then?
[ isn't that how bts fans work ]
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Once he has the spices, he gets everything ready for the chicken cooking.]
Something like that. I didn’t interact with anyone in person really. Not unless they recognized me somehow the times I could be out.
[He’s thoughtful for a moment. He thinks he might ruin Ryo’s amusement if he mentions he hosted for a little bit too, so he doesn’t mention it.]
Which wasn’t a whole lot later since anyone recognizing me could have been trouble.
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but hmmm. he sets jd onto the floor and the cat zooms off somewhere, likely to return as soon as they move to actually eat. ryo then walks over to akira, stopping behind him, and hooking his chin over akira's shoulder. he's peeking. ]
Did you ever travel to places further out then? Other countries?
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Briefly, he pauses as Ryo’s chin fits over his shoulder, giving Ryo room. But then he carries on with what he’s doing with the chicken. Gotta cook the chimkin.]
Yeah. A few times for modeling, but most were like vacations. Italy a lot. [Vincenzo…] A few places in Europe. Korea. Taiwan. New Zealand once. Oh. Dubai once. It was way too fancy, but the scenery was nice.
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[ that's good, since akira probably would have had more freedom to move around away from japan. he thinks that it might have been nice to see those places with him, and then abandons the thought so he won't linger too long on what could have been. ]
Which was your favorite?
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Mmm. Hawaii. You didn’t mind being outside because it was all pretty. It was like… paradise. Always warm, you could smell the sea, the fruit was good.
But I liked Norway too. Because of the northern lights. All the stars.
[It also reminded him of something, but he doesn’t say what.]
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he lightly bumps akira back. ]
That sounds nice. [ ... ] It's amazing, how beautiful the world can be when you get a chance to see it.
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I know. It was nice.
[And something he’d have liked Ryo to see, too. With him.
He leans his head against Ryo’s now instead, and he’s quiet for a long moment. But then he lifts his head so he can glance at Ryo a bit.]
Do you want to go see other places…? Maybe we can find one that’s kind of like the earth.
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but, at the same time, that kind of feels like it would be letting god win. if their fate was to always be miserable no matter what, then wouldn't it be nice to go out of their way to try not to be? ]
... we can. I can show you Teyvat, too.
[ he knows it rather well, and while there's probably some changes since the last time he's been, it's like not enough to make him lost. ]
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Okay, it’s a deal then. We’ll go see some other places together. We can come back here when we’re done.
[Or they can, like, move somewhere else if they happened to find a place that worked out. But he doesn’t mind returning to hell to “live.”]
Together.
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Right. Together. I'd like that.
[ something to look forward to. he already knows there are other versions of earth, anyway, going by the other people they were stuck here with. they can probably find one to visit if they want to be nostalgic without the whole potential baggage attached. ]
How's the food?
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