probably going to be hanging onto akira so whatever works best for that, honestly. if this sleeping arrangement becomes a normal Thing then ryo assumes he will get less clingy as he gets used to it, but it is day one and he knows he is going to be clingy.
For a moment, he thinks about it. He doesn't mind the wings out, but they can be cumbersome in small spaces. He'll have less positions to sleep in if they're out, too.
So he steps away from the bed so he can force them back down into his shoulders. It sounds more painful than it actually is anymore. It's fine. He sadly doesn't have the cool scars like OG Akira. Just... the hip one--ignore that one please. It was a bad time.
He folds a corner of the bedding back so he can climb in, careful of both Ryo and JD with his legs.]
[ it was a bad time..... it's fine he is used to seeing that at this point. well maybe not fine.
but once akira is in, ryo is going to scoot over so that he can press against him. jd will then also get up and climb on top of them to settle down. they're trapped forever now.
he thinks, again, about all the things he wants to say. ]
Once Ryo gets close and settles, he loops his arms around Ryo and tucks them nicely together. Before JD hops on top of them. Of course, he's overly warm, so at least Ryo won't be chilly.
He tucks his face against Ryo where he can.]
You don't have to pretend to sleep immediately, Ryo. I'm okay. [Unfortunately for Ryo, he has learned that this is weird behavior. The not talking part.] We can talk if you want.
[Help. If Ryo had decided not to talk, or decides to stop, Akira will actually not press it very much. They have... a long time to talk. But again, he just wonders if they should get most of it out of the way.
He is a little worried about an argument.]
Known...?
[LISTEN. He wants to make sure he's not assuming and answering the right thing here.]
[ they can't have an argument they would wake up poor little jd
he nods his head. ]
About your... feelings.
[ how recent it was. if it was just today, ryo might have to question if akira is confusing feelings of love for something else, but he won't voice that theory out loud until he gets an actual confirmation. ]
He is quiet for a long moment in a thoughtful sort of way. His fingers idly brush the backs of Ryo's shoulders. He's not sure whether or not his answer will actually hurt Ryo, honestly.]
[ the answer is obvious as he says this-- akira simply lied. and in general, the fact that akira lied shouldn't be something that ryo can get too upset about. he has lied many, many times to many, many people, and akira had received many of those lies.
the surprising thing is just that it was one of the things ryo had been honest about, which was why he had assumed akira was honest back. ]
[Doing something like this probably wouldn't hurt Ryo nearly as much as it hurts him to remember and admit. Well, maybe in regards to having been honest about this one single thing.
It's funny how Ryo is rarely honest except this one time about love, and Akira is mostly honest except for this one time about love.]
I know. [He won't pretend like he didn't say it.] I didn't tell you the truth, so I'm sorry. I couldn't... just throw my feelings out after they were there. They were still there.
I didn't realize how you really felt until I had already tried to push them out of the way so I could make my own choice for myself. I still loved you when I left, but.. I figured I could move on even though I felt that way.
[ although, he guesses chasing after akira probably not be what he would have wanted. so.
he goes quiet after that, trying to think. he would have done a lot of things differently if he had this information, but it's difficult to say if those things would have been helpful to akira specifically. and at this point there really any point in trying to figure that out, since so much time has passed. they can't change the past. ]
[He is also quiet again for a long moment or two. His fingers have moved up to play with the ends of Ryo's hair instead, moving them through his fingers over and over.]
It was a choice I made for myself, but... you were still involved a little in that choice, so it's okay for you to be hurt or mad. Not that I want you to be mad at me. I just... understand if you are. Or if... you need time.
[ although he doesn't move away or stop akira from touching him though, so.
in the end, ryo just doesn't think going with kaoru would have just automatically meant akira would have had a happier life. he can't say that the opposite of that is true though, that akira would have been happier with him. maybe it would have been worse. he just knows that everyone assumed the former would have been for the best. ]
A few people had told me I was welcomed to go with them, but I could tell they were just saying that because I announced I was staying in hell. They never argued or tried to push after they offered. The only reason I took Scaramouche's was... he asked me what happened between us. And then after, he told me to go to his world. I think that was the first time someone was angry for me and not at me.
[ thinks about how aki said that scara probably eventually kills himself, so. ryo decides to never mention this ever to akira. amen.
but he glances over at jd at the mention of him, then looks back to akira. he's still wondering what to say. ]
Mm. [ well best to leave the scara topic, so. ] I could accept you not loving me back. Even liking someone else instead. But the one thing I couldn't comprehend was how you could choose someone you only knew for a few weeks over me. You let me go so easily that I never considered you were lying.
[ he turns slightly, not really away but so that he can look at the ceiling. ]
[Oh. That’s okay. Because he found that out from Wednesday which is why him and Scaramouche beat the shit out if each other the last week.
And also maybe why he told Ryo about that option even if he didn’t wanna.
So Scaramouche unaliving himself is just expected now, and he hates it.]
I wanted… to try having a normal life. Like I had before. Before… the Sabbath party, before Amon. I’m not the same as I was once, though, so I don’t think I even accomplished that… but I thought… it would be okay to just try.
[He tucks himself by Ryo’s side, his arms against his chest.]
[ a normal life, huh... ryo could point out how that wouldn't have worked and it was a little silly to think so. they can aim for normal but it would never be the same type of normal that people not in their situation would have.
except akira is already aware of that. he lived through it. ryo is just remembering to be mad about it. ]
... I'm a little surprised you still feel the same. It's been a while. Normally, those kinds of feelings would fade.
[First of all. He turns slightly onto his own back, careful of JD, twisting at the waist rather than lying flat.
He's looking the other way, though, instead of up at the ceiling.]
I thought maybe they did. But then... when I came back, when I saw you again. They hadn't disappeared. They rose up so fast, I thought I was going to suffocate.
[ hmmm. he can't really relate, since he was very painfully aware of his feelings for akira during their separation. although the difference being that akira was attempting to make a life with another person while ryo was still holding onto the past. and also a cat.
[The... juxtaposition of their respective paths. Wild.
He is quiet like before for a very long time. It's almost as if he has fallen asleep, but his breathing isn't quite deep enough for that to be true. His eyes are still open. Finally, he slowly turns back to face Ryo.]
Will you forgive me, Ryo? I want to ask for your forgiveness.
[Very funny, asking the fallen angel Satan for forgiveness.]
[ once again, akira says something today that ryo was not actually expecting.
he's still mad, and he thinks it's probably going to take a bit for that to fade away, especially since he isn't entirely sure where to direct that anger at. it's difficult, since the obvious answer is at akira, but...
he also turns so he can look at akira. ]
Yes.
[ ...
that was easy enough. even with all the hurt, at the end of the day, akira is here right now. that's all he wants. ]
[Maybe they should fight and get all of their anger out since there won't really be any repercussions... But they would probably fight and then end up banging again after...
A small smile comes to his lips. He reaches up and brushes Ryo's face with his fingers, pushes some hair back.]
[ it's fine they'll probably fight another day and then bang again i guess
but he has an arm... ryo thinks about the question though, because in general he doesn't really think about things in terms of if he's happy or not. even when they were back in their original world, he didn't quite see things that way. ]
I... think so. [ hmmm. ] There's a very warm feeling in my chest.
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[ ryo is
probably going to be hanging onto akira so whatever works best for that, honestly. if this sleeping arrangement becomes a normal Thing then ryo assumes he will get less clingy as he gets used to it, but it is day one and he knows he is going to be clingy.
for now though, he crawls onto the bed ]
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For a moment, he thinks about it. He doesn't mind the wings out, but they can be cumbersome in small spaces. He'll have less positions to sleep in if they're out, too.
So he steps away from the bed so he can force them back down into his shoulders. It sounds more painful than it actually is anymore. It's fine. He sadly doesn't have the cool scars like OG Akira. Just... the hip one--ignore that one please. It was a bad time.
He folds a corner of the bedding back so he can climb in, careful of both Ryo and JD with his legs.]
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but once akira is in, ryo is going to scoot over so that he can press against him. jd will then also get up and climb on top of them to settle down. they're trapped forever now.
he thinks, again, about all the things he wants to say. ]
Goodnight, Akira.
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Once Ryo gets close and settles, he loops his arms around Ryo and tucks them nicely together. Before JD hops on top of them. Of course, he's overly warm, so at least Ryo won't be chilly.
He tucks his face against Ryo where he can.]
You don't have to pretend to sleep immediately, Ryo. I'm okay. [Unfortunately for Ryo, he has learned that this is weird behavior. The not talking part.] We can talk if you want.
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he's quiet for a moment, considering... before he just settles for what would probably be a good opening for other things. ]
How long have you known?
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He is a little worried about an argument.]
Known...?
[LISTEN. He wants to make sure he's not assuming and answering the right thing here.]
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he nods his head. ]
About your... feelings.
[ how recent it was. if it was just today, ryo might have to question if akira is confusing feelings of love for something else, but he won't voice that theory out loud until he gets an actual confirmation. ]
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[Not really a question.
He is quiet for a long moment in a thoughtful sort of way. His fingers idly brush the backs of Ryo's shoulders. He's not sure whether or not his answer will actually hurt Ryo, honestly.]
I've known since we were here before.
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[ the answer is obvious as he says this-- akira simply lied. and in general, the fact that akira lied shouldn't be something that ryo can get too upset about. he has lied many, many times to many, many people, and akira had received many of those lies.
the surprising thing is just that it was one of the things ryo had been honest about, which was why he had assumed akira was honest back. ]
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It's funny how Ryo is rarely honest except this one time about love, and Akira is mostly honest except for this one time about love.]
I know. [He won't pretend like he didn't say it.] I didn't tell you the truth, so I'm sorry. I couldn't... just throw my feelings out after they were there. They were still there.
I didn't realize how you really felt until I had already tried to push them out of the way so I could make my own choice for myself. I still loved you when I left, but.. I figured I could move on even though I felt that way.
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[ although, he guesses chasing after akira probably not be what he would have wanted. so.
he goes quiet after that, trying to think. he would have done a lot of things differently if he had this information, but it's difficult to say if those things would have been helpful to akira specifically. and at this point there really any point in trying to figure that out, since so much time has passed. they can't change the past. ]
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It was a choice I made for myself, but... you were still involved a little in that choice, so it's okay for you to be hurt or mad. Not that I want you to be mad at me. I just... understand if you are. Or if... you need time.
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[ although he doesn't move away or stop akira from touching him though, so.
in the end, ryo just doesn't think going with kaoru would have just automatically meant akira would have had a happier life. he can't say that the opposite of that is true though, that akira would have been happier with him. maybe it would have been worse. he just knows that everyone assumed the former would have been for the best. ]
A few people had told me I was welcomed to go with them, but I could tell they were just saying that because I announced I was staying in hell. They never argued or tried to push after they offered. The only reason I took Scaramouche's was... he asked me what happened between us. And then after, he told me to go to his world. I think that was the first time someone was angry for me and not at me.
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He reminded me a lot of you. I wanted you and him to… be happy. To know that there was more for you than what people had done to you.
[Scaramouche looking out for Ryo actually makes him relieved.]
He was nice to JD. He could have kicked JD out of the way a few times, but he was gentle. So I knew I could trust him. I’m glad he asked you to go.
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but he glances over at jd at the mention of him, then looks back to akira. he's still wondering what to say. ]
Mm. [ well best to leave the scara topic, so. ] I could accept you not loving me back. Even liking someone else instead. But the one thing I couldn't comprehend was how you could choose someone you only knew for a few weeks over me. You let me go so easily that I never considered you were lying.
[ he turns slightly, not really away but so that he can look at the ceiling. ]
I really never thought I'd see you again.
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And also maybe why he told Ryo about that option even if he didn’t wanna.
So Scaramouche unaliving himself is just expected now, and he hates it.]
I wanted… to try having a normal life. Like I had before. Before… the Sabbath party, before Amon. I’m not the same as I was once, though, so I don’t think I even accomplished that… but I thought… it would be okay to just try.
[He tucks himself by Ryo’s side, his arms against his chest.]
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except akira is already aware of that. he lived through it. ryo is just remembering to be mad about it. ]
... I'm a little surprised you still feel the same. It's been a while. Normally, those kinds of feelings would fade.
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[First of all. He turns slightly onto his own back, careful of JD, twisting at the waist rather than lying flat.
He's looking the other way, though, instead of up at the ceiling.]
I thought maybe they did. But then... when I came back, when I saw you again. They hadn't disappeared. They rose up so fast, I thought I was going to suffocate.
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he closes his eyes. ]
Do you have anything you want to ask?
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He is quiet like before for a very long time. It's almost as if he has fallen asleep, but his breathing isn't quite deep enough for that to be true. His eyes are still open. Finally, he slowly turns back to face Ryo.]
Will you forgive me, Ryo? I want to ask for your forgiveness.
[Very funny, asking the fallen angel Satan for forgiveness.]
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he's still mad, and he thinks it's probably going to take a bit for that to fade away, especially since he isn't entirely sure where to direct that anger at. it's difficult, since the obvious answer is at akira, but...
he also turns so he can look at akira. ]
Yes.
[ ...
that was easy enough. even with all the hurt, at the end of the day, akira is here right now. that's all he wants. ]
We can figure everything else out.
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A small smile comes to his lips. He reaches up and brushes Ryo's face with his fingers, pushes some hair back.]
Thank you, Ryo.
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but sometimes you are so heart eyes. he tries to move a little closer, although it's difficult when there is a cat still on top of you. ]
Is there anything else...?
[ that he wants to bring up like. tonight. ]
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He stretches his arm over Ryo, and even though Ryo can't get too much closer because of a cat, he now has an arm at least.]
Are you happy?
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but he has an arm... ryo thinks about the question though, because in general he doesn't really think about things in terms of if he's happy or not. even when they were back in their original world, he didn't quite see things that way. ]
I... think so. [ hmmm. ] There's a very warm feeling in my chest.
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