[While it hurts him to hear the truth, he does want to know how Ryo really feels, and how Ryo felt. He forces himself not to cry because he doesn’t think it’s going to help a single thing except his own relief, and that isn’t the point here.
Instead, he swallows quietly and hardens his jaw.]
I am. It’s okay to feel those ways.
[First of all. Even if he gets it’s hard for Ryo to deal with them.]
Do you really want me to stay, or do you want me to leave? I’m just asking to make sure.
he immediately reaches out to grip onto akira's arm when he asks that. ]
Stay. I want you here.
[ if akira really wanted to live elsewhere there is not much ryo can do about that outside of kidnapping him, but. there is a slight desperateness to his voice at the idea of akira showing up and then leaving. what if he doesn't come back again? ]
[It’s fine. He at least knows Ryo is not saying things to merely say them, that Ryo means them.
He isn’t sure, however, if this means Ryo is self-punishing, but he can try dealing that that later.
Slowly, he stands up, and he lifts his arms to thread them around Ryo’s neck. He hugs Ryo tightly into himself.]
I’ll stay, [he murmurs, reassuringly.] It’s been a while.
[He doesn’t want to talk about Kaoru or the others because he does remember what Ryo had told him before, but he feels he has to ghost the edge in order to explain.]
It’s been a while since Kaoru died. I stayed because there were other friends. I didn’t know who would be next, so I stayed so the last one wouldn’t be alone. And then I stayed a little longer to make sure, and then I came back. I’ve had time.
[The years feel both so long and also like a drop in the bucket for him now.]
I experienced a lot. I learned a lot. But… that’s done now, and I’m going to stay here. And I think… we can start over if you want when you’re ready. I’m… willing to try again, but… I get it if… you don’t want to because I hurt you.
[Sometimes you just live so long that even experiencing some kind of piece of a life cannot, in the end, keep you from what essentially is your soulmate.]
[ he doesn't quite understand why akira would willingly sit through all of that, but even after all of these years, ryo can't really say that he's surprised. a little exasperated, maybe, but it's very much an akira thing to do.
there's a slight pause, but ryo wraps his arms around akira, leaning into him. ]
I'll try anything for you, Akira.
[ does that mean ryo will always succeed at those attempts, or do it in the exact way that akira might hope he would? no. but he's willing to at least try. especially now, after really learning just how empty everything feels with akira gone. he had known he was attached before, but it didn't quite hit him how extreme it was until he was on his own. ]
He gives Ryo a gentle squeeze, and then his arms slacken enough he can lean away and look Ryo in the face.] Yeah, we can. [Tenderly, he cards his fingers back through Ryo's hair near the temples. His smile is brief from the weight of the conversation, but it's there.]
I'm sorry I left you alone, Ryo. I left you after I died, and then I left you again. So I'm sorry. I just... I thought I'd like to try... a normal life, like the one I had before. But... I don't think I'll ever have a life like that anymore, not like I am. Not... as Devilman.
I meant it when I told you... that you're the only one who understands.
[ there will come a time where ryo might actually apologize fully for the devilman thing; he's skirted close to it, acknowledging fucked up aspects of it, but he still hasn't really said he's sorry for taking away akira's humanity from him. it's something to work towards to.
kind of like how there might come a time where he'll start to ask more questions about his life in the other world. it'll take more time, once the sting of it lessens, but... ryo isn't sure how easy it is to separate the things he does want to know and the things he'd prefer not to. ]
... we can try to have something normal. As normal as possible for us.
[ it won't ever be what akira had initially thought his life would be like, because there are some things no longer accessible to them. but ryo has at least been living a life of domesticity, so things like that aren't totally out of reach. ]
[Baby steps. His apology is quick because he is a lot more human, and has been, and has lived with humans in a more human life. He gets the slow process probably more now than he would have before.
Personal change is slow. Healing is slow. But they... have plenty of time? An eternity, it seems like.]
I know. We can. [It'd be as normal as the two of them are likely going to get.] You don't mind... if I spend the rest of time with you, right?
[He doesn't want the heartache of what happened to Kaoru and the others ever again. That sort of life, while fulfilling in certain ways, has tired him. It had scratched open old wounds of loss and pain. It had been so painful to endure.
He doesn't want anything like that again for as long as he lives. The fragile people who leave him behind as he had left Ryo.]
[ it's cute that akira asks if ryo minds when it's what he had wanted in the first place. granted, he gets why he's asking-- a lot has happened over the years that could have changed things. but it's still a little funny. ]
I don't mind, Akira.
[ even if akira ends up wanting to do some things by himself, even something as simple as going on a trip somewhere on his own, ryo wouldn't necessarily mind. ryo isn't clingy enough to expect them to spend every second together. ]
There's no one else I'd want to be with. [ jd meows. ] Yeah, sure, cat.
[STOP, listen. He already knew Ryo's answer because it's Ryo, but it's fine. He has to be polite enough to ask... Maybe if he keeps being conscious of these things, Ryo will also learn... to do similar things too.]
His name is JD.
[He smiles lopsidedly and shifts so he can pick the cat up for a face kiss. Then he puts JD down on the desk beside the two of them.]
Please don't tell me he thinks his name is Cat because that's all you called him.
[THIS CAT MIGHT NOT KNOW ITS NAME, HELP HIM!! It's so stupid how he brightens a little more when Ryo bestows the kitty affection. This is his twice-dead cat...
He reaches out to scritch the other side of JD's head briefly.]
I thought you might like animals. Since... they're a little like demons sometimes.
But they've done the least amount of harm to the planet, I think. I guess some species are far more intelligent than others, but you can say that about humans and demons too. And the cat is really good at alerting when Graham is nearby.
[He frowns in that same sort of disgusted way at Ryo's amusement. DON'T BE AMUSED. ALSO!!! He knows you're talking about murder, you asshole! But he cannot say anything against it because they are in hell, so it doesn't matter at all.]
[His eyes close. Still forever a sucker for having fingers in his hair. He puts the tips of his fingers on the desk on each side of Ryo, leaning his weight on them.]
I don’t know… Maybe take a nap.
[But then he would be asleep and miss the start of his time with Ryo.
he will move to slide off of the desk and then move to grab akira's arm to tug him after him. back to his room... just in case akira has forgotten how to get back there. ]
If you need anything, let me know. We can figure out more details later.
[ he is thinking about the finer details like how akira needs clothes and things..... ]
[It’s good there is at least one braincell to still think about the finer things which Akira does not consider. He literally came back without a single thing to his name because what do earthly goods do him when he’s dead.
He stumbles along after Ryo, and JD trills while following the two of them.]
I’ll figure things out when I wake up.
[He starts pulling his shirt off over his head. SORRY TO RYO WHO IS SO GAY.]
[ unfortunately he is so gay and he just watches this happen. ryo sends a mental prayer into the void as he is thankful to see akira shirtless on day one.
anyway he snaps out of it. ]
If you need me for anything, just call out for me, okay?
[Look........... They're just a guy and a biblical nonbinary. It's fine......
He folds the pants by the shirt. The cat will probably get on top of them if the cat is not on top of him, but whatever.]
Okay.
[It dawns on him to be, like, WHAT WORK? except he gets distracted getting into Ryo's too big bed. This is unfortunate more now actually since he realizes it just smells like Ryo. Why didn't he just take the couch......
I forgot his wings were out, so I'm not sure how he got the shirt off, we're pretending. But this means he has to lie face-down in the bed, and he just.... fans them out over it. He's the most still, but then suddenly lifts his head and shoulders. WAIT.]
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Instead, he swallows quietly and hardens his jaw.]
I am. It’s okay to feel those ways.
[First of all. Even if he gets it’s hard for Ryo to deal with them.]
Do you really want me to stay, or do you want me to leave? I’m just asking to make sure.
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he immediately reaches out to grip onto akira's arm when he asks that. ]
Stay. I want you here.
[ if akira really wanted to live elsewhere there is not much ryo can do about that outside of kidnapping him, but. there is a slight desperateness to his voice at the idea of akira showing up and then leaving. what if he doesn't come back again? ]
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He isn’t sure, however, if this means Ryo is self-punishing, but he can try dealing that that later.
Slowly, he stands up, and he lifts his arms to thread them around Ryo’s neck. He hugs Ryo tightly into himself.]
I’ll stay, [he murmurs, reassuringly.] It’s been a while.
[He doesn’t want to talk about Kaoru or the others because he does remember what Ryo had told him before, but he feels he has to ghost the edge in order to explain.]
It’s been a while since Kaoru died. I stayed because there were other friends. I didn’t know who would be next, so I stayed so the last one wouldn’t be alone. And then I stayed a little longer to make sure, and then I came back. I’ve had time.
[The years feel both so long and also like a drop in the bucket for him now.]
I experienced a lot. I learned a lot. But… that’s done now, and I’m going to stay here. And I think… we can start over if you want when you’re ready. I’m… willing to try again, but… I get it if… you don’t want to because I hurt you.
[Sometimes you just live so long that even experiencing some kind of piece of a life cannot, in the end, keep you from what essentially is your soulmate.]
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there's a slight pause, but ryo wraps his arms around akira, leaning into him. ]
I'll try anything for you, Akira.
[ does that mean ryo will always succeed at those attempts, or do it in the exact way that akira might hope he would? no. but he's willing to at least try. especially now, after really learning just how empty everything feels with akira gone. he had known he was attached before, but it didn't quite hit him how extreme it was until he was on his own. ]
We can experience more things together.
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He gives Ryo a gentle squeeze, and then his arms slacken enough he can lean away and look Ryo in the face.] Yeah, we can. [Tenderly, he cards his fingers back through Ryo's hair near the temples. His smile is brief from the weight of the conversation, but it's there.]
I'm sorry I left you alone, Ryo. I left you after I died, and then I left you again. So I'm sorry. I just... I thought I'd like to try... a normal life, like the one I had before. But... I don't think I'll ever have a life like that anymore, not like I am. Not... as Devilman.
I meant it when I told you... that you're the only one who understands.
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kind of like how there might come a time where he'll start to ask more questions about his life in the other world. it'll take more time, once the sting of it lessens, but... ryo isn't sure how easy it is to separate the things he does want to know and the things he'd prefer not to. ]
... we can try to have something normal. As normal as possible for us.
[ it won't ever be what akira had initially thought his life would be like, because there are some things no longer accessible to them. but ryo has at least been living a life of domesticity, so things like that aren't totally out of reach. ]
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Personal change is slow. Healing is slow. But they... have plenty of time? An eternity, it seems like.]
I know. We can. [It'd be as normal as the two of them are likely going to get.] You don't mind... if I spend the rest of time with you, right?
[He doesn't want the heartache of what happened to Kaoru and the others ever again. That sort of life, while fulfilling in certain ways, has tired him. It had scratched open old wounds of loss and pain. It had been so painful to endure.
He doesn't want anything like that again for as long as he lives. The fragile people who leave him behind as he had left Ryo.]
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I don't mind, Akira.
[ even if akira ends up wanting to do some things by himself, even something as simple as going on a trip somewhere on his own, ryo wouldn't necessarily mind. ryo isn't clingy enough to expect them to spend every second together. ]
There's no one else I'd want to be with. [ jd meows. ] Yeah, sure, cat.
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His name is JD.
[He smiles lopsidedly and shifts so he can pick the cat up for a face kiss. Then he puts JD down on the desk beside the two of them.]
Please don't tell me he thinks his name is Cat because that's all you called him.
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He knows his name. I made sure that he's very intelligent.
[ how.....
but jd will get an idle ear scratch from ryo ]
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[THIS CAT MIGHT NOT KNOW ITS NAME, HELP HIM!! It's so stupid how he brightens a little more when Ryo bestows the kitty affection. This is his twice-dead cat...
He reaches out to scritch the other side of JD's head briefly.]
I thought you might like animals. Since... they're a little like demons sometimes.
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[ he watches akira pet the cat. ]
But they've done the least amount of harm to the planet, I think. I guess some species are far more intelligent than others, but you can say that about humans and demons too. And the cat is really good at alerting when Graham is nearby.
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His face turns exasperated and sour.]
That guy is still around...?
[He personally wasn't ever bothered by Graham like some of the others had been, but he still did not really like it.]
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but he just looks amused. ]
He is. Beating him up can be very therapeutic when you're stressed.
[ ryo actually means killing him but he makes an effort not to say that word ]
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Ryo...
[There is zero heat to this name call.]
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and instead of answering, he reaches over to start fixing akira's hair. it's still messy from the flight over. ]
Is there anything in particular you want to do?
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I don’t know… Maybe take a nap.
[But then he would be asleep and miss the start of his time with Ryo.
Even if they would have plenty of time.]
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Take my bed.
[ me waking up from a nap to the thread talking about naps ]
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He slowly manages to open his eyes, but he unfortunately now looks slightly more drowsy because he had closed them while Ryo played with his hair.]
Okay.
[He should really at least pretend to modestly reject this idea, but no. He won’t.]
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he will move to slide off of the desk and then move to grab akira's arm to tug him after him. back to his room... just in case akira has forgotten how to get back there. ]
If you need anything, let me know. We can figure out more details later.
[ he is thinking about the finer details like how akira needs clothes and things..... ]
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He stumbles along after Ryo, and JD trills while following the two of them.]
I’ll figure things out when I wake up.
[He starts pulling his shirt off over his head. SORRY TO RYO WHO IS SO GAY.]
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anyway he snaps out of it. ]
If you need me for anything, just call out for me, okay?
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He neatly drapes the shirt so it won’t get badly wrinkled or be on the floor.
And then the idiocy returns as he starts taking off his pants.]
Okay. Don’t let me sleep too long? Like… an hour or two.
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he decides to let him sleep for two hours though... as a tweat. ]
Don't worry, I'll keep an eye on the clock. I'll just get some work done.
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He folds the pants by the shirt. The cat will probably get on top of them if the cat is not on top of him, but whatever.]
Okay.
[It dawns on him to be, like, WHAT WORK? except he gets distracted getting into Ryo's too big bed. This is unfortunate more now actually since he realizes it just smells like Ryo. Why didn't he just take the couch......
I forgot his wings were out, so I'm not sure how he got the shirt off, we're pretending. But this means he has to lie face-down in the bed, and he just.... fans them out over it. He's the most still, but then suddenly lifts his head and shoulders. WAIT.]
--Thanks, Ryo.
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