[ Her curiosity is barely there, only present because it's Toi. ]
What are you embarrassed for?
[ No one will ever be good enough for Toi in Meltryllis' judgment, but she's at least willing to listen to Toi talk about them, if he's willing to talk about them. ]
[ he didn't really go into detail about them, and he didn't give the best impression of enta before since the last time toi really dealt with him before they were brought to the mansion was enta Fucking Everything Up For Toi.
but. ]
When I came back here after we left the house, a lot of stuff happened all at once, and if it wasn't for them I'd... probably not exist anymore.
[ so he is very thankful and also wouldn't want to give them a heart attack ]
[ you can ignore this as i pretend i don't see the year of the last time stamp
she vaguely remembers him mentioning his so-called friends and how they didn't do right by him. if they helped him, she can let them slide, but his word choice doesn't slip by her.
[ it's an answer that strikes a deep pang of despair into meltryllis' heart. that someone she loves would want to cease to exist, even for a moment, for a moment long enough to try something—
in a flash, her arms are around him. even if it's done and over with for him, it isn't for her. ]
Don't brush that off. Even if you don't think that way anymore, why?
[ she keeps her voice low because she's aware enough not to cause too much of a commotion, but she can't keep the emotion from her voice. ]
Do you remember when I said that my brother was going to shoot me? Right before we arrived to the house.
[ me going back to reread pcs for this because i was pretty sure he told her this but wanted to confirm. ]
He doesn't. Because he got shot by someone else instead, and then he died. [ there's a pause, since there's a very small amount of people who know how much he idolized his brother, but who also know about that betrayal. ] And I just... it wasn't worth it.
[ the thing that will haunt him the most is that he will never know if his brother would have actually pulled the trigger or not. ]
[ this isn't something that she thinks she can wholly understand right away, but because she loves him, she will try. ]
... You loved him that much.
[ she can understand dying for or because of someone you love. she just doesn't know what toi's brother has done to deserve that much of toi's devotion. ]
... You were willing to leave everyone else behind.
[ he admits it, but it's difficult to put the rest of it into words. enta and kazuki had asked some questions, but they were also there when it happened, so toi didn't really have to get too into it-- and none of them are the type to really discuss their feelings in depth, so he was able to pass over talking about certain things in detail.
it's a little difficult to look at her, but he manages. ]
I thought I was ready for... whatever was going to happen, after leaving the house. And I wasn't.
[ meltryllis is used to the people she loves leaving her (or her leaving them), one way or another. she only wants that by leaving, it's to be happy or to become happier, not to want to die or cease to exist because the older brother who raised him was a shitty older brother.
she knows that's not the kind of thing to say here. she understands how much toi loves his brother even if she doesn't understand why. ]
He was your whole world for a while, wasn't he? He was your whole world even if he might have betrayed you.
You'd still want him around even if you wanted something else from him. Or even if you didn't.
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no subject
[ Her curiosity is barely there, only present because it's Toi. ]
What are you embarrassed for?
[ No one will ever be good enough for Toi in Meltryllis' judgment, but she's at least willing to listen to Toi talk about them, if he's willing to talk about them. ]
no subject
[ he didn't really go into detail about them, and he didn't give the best impression of enta before since the last time toi really dealt with him before they were brought to the mansion was enta Fucking Everything Up For Toi.
but. ]
When I came back here after we left the house, a lot of stuff happened all at once, and if it wasn't for them I'd... probably not exist anymore.
[ so he is very thankful and also wouldn't want to give them a heart attack ]
no subject
she vaguely remembers him mentioning his so-called friends and how they didn't do right by him. if they helped him, she can let them slide, but his word choice doesn't slip by her.
her alarm and concern comes out sharp. ]
What did you do?
[ that he almost didn't exist. ]
no subject
but ah. he wonders briefly how he can phrase this so it doesn't sound As Concerning, but he is making an attempt to be a little more honest.
it takes a moment though. ]
Something stupid. It didn't work. [ a pause. ] It's just what it sounds. I tried not to exist anymore.
no subject
in a flash, her arms are around him. even if it's done and over with for him, it isn't for her. ]
Don't brush that off. Even if you don't think that way anymore, why?
[ she keeps her voice low because she's aware enough not to cause too much of a commotion, but she can't keep the emotion from her voice. ]
no subject
[ me going back to reread pcs for this because i was pretty sure he told her this but wanted to confirm. ]
He doesn't. Because he got shot by someone else instead, and then he died. [ there's a pause, since there's a very small amount of people who know how much he idolized his brother, but who also know about that betrayal. ] And I just... it wasn't worth it.
[ the thing that will haunt him the most is that he will never know if his brother would have actually pulled the trigger or not. ]
no subject
... You loved him that much.
[ she can understand dying for or because of someone you love. she just doesn't know what toi's brother has done to deserve that much of toi's devotion. ]
... You were willing to leave everyone else behind.
no subject
[ he admits it, but it's difficult to put the rest of it into words. enta and kazuki had asked some questions, but they were also there when it happened, so toi didn't really have to get too into it-- and none of them are the type to really discuss their feelings in depth, so he was able to pass over talking about certain things in detail.
it's a little difficult to look at her, but he manages. ]
I thought I was ready for... whatever was going to happen, after leaving the house. And I wasn't.
no subject
she knows that's not the kind of thing to say here. she understands how much toi loves his brother even if she doesn't understand why. ]
He was your whole world for a while, wasn't he? He was your whole world even if he might have betrayed you.
You'd still want him around even if you wanted something else from him. Or even if you didn't.
no subject
but there is a slow nod, and he doesn't respond right away, trying to articulate a way to agree that isn't just a one word answer. ]
... yeah.
[ first step failed. but he tries again. ]
I needed to... figure that out. Before I saw anyone.