he rubs his face with his hands, trying to collect his thought. as it currently stands, they need to get elysium to a medical facility. thorns is fully aware that elysium isn't going to prioritize that though–after all, any chance they had to get him properly looked at, he refused. ]
We leave in ten. Try to eat or drink something and I'll get the Doctor ready.
They're going to put me into high security. I don't think that's how either of us want it to go.
[ he stays his ground, grip firm.
it's a combination of his condition and the nature of his arts. it's possible for them to get it to a stable state, but even if mantra has yet to tell anyone about what she suspects, his behaviour has likely been too erratic to allow him to roam unchecked once in their custody.
… ]
We're supposed to see the world together, Thorns. One of their early drugs… I'm pretty sure it was a stimulant of some kind.
We're not getting a better window than this. They won't expect it.
[ and regardless of who does what, it's not going to stop elysium from supporting thorns however he can.
…
it's hard. to stop his thoughts from trailing to all the regret seeping through thorns. should he break their promise? reset anyway? this, too, would likely be the only window he gets.
he's similarly quiet, eventually letting thorns go on his own volition. ]
[ ... he leans in to give him a kiss, before stepping back. he has to reattach docybara to the cart so they can get moving again. their child is excited that elysium is not dead, at least. ]
... Let's get moving. We're still not far enough from them for me to be satisfied.
he essentially goes on autopilot—kissing thorns back, patting docybara on the head. all the while, he starts thinking about how they even got here. is there restarting from zero? how did thorns catch on?
him being quiet is probably the most suspicious thing there is… ]
[ once everything is ready and thorns has nothing else to distract himself with, he turns back to elysium. thorns walks over and takes his hand into his. ]
[ he shouldn't have asked elysium to use his arts so much. they should have left the town much earlier. is this because he suggested sending a message to lungmen? is this his fault again? ]
there's nothing to worry about when it all happens relatively quickly. elysium draws the flag from behind his back and stares at it for a fraction of a beat. then—it emits a short-circuiting whine before the main module fries completely, sparks flying as the smell of burnt metal fills the air. just like that, he tosses it aside. ]
Nothing. Just… that I think we were both treating it as too much of a crutch.
[ he smiles, dusting his hand against the side of his jacket. he finally returns thorns' hold. ]
If you need me to send any transmissions, I can do still do that. With or without my flag.
it's true, that despite their promise to each other for this to be their final life, that the idea of just trying again if things go wrong has been in the back of thorns' mind. the problem with the ability of just starting over is that it causes you to feel safe to make decisions that you might have not made if you didn't have that safety net underneath you. you can be more reckless, more selfish. it also brings up the hard realization that this is truly it. if he loses elysium now, he will have really lost him.
would he have done things differently? maybe. but thorns supposes he has to live with the choices that brought them to this spot. and... isn't that how life is supposed to go, anyway? it's how the two of them have lived for the majority of their lives anyway, before any of this happened. it's not wrong to bring things back to how it should have been, even if the worst case scenarios keep blasting in your mind.
thorns doesn't answer verbally, but he does lean in to kiss elysium again––this time longer, with more force. every uncertain, twisted emotion that he can't quite find words for at the moment, he puts into the kiss. ]
[ being on the run, with the ever looming threat of an ambush, is about the furthest scenario anyone should be making out with their lover. but there are no words at first when elysium is pulled into the kiss, momentarily stunned by the force of it.
but then his eyes flutter shut, his arms coming up instinctively and possessively, wrapping around thorns' waist to pull him closer, encouraging it despite the metallic taste lingering in his mouth. rather, it's as if he's pushing it forward, pressing in further and kissing deeper, refusing to break away, like he, too, wants to engrave the depth of his feelings into thorns.
what is there to worry about, infecting him, if they're going to die together anyway? ]
thorns realizes that at this rate, they can't really keep docybara with them. but he also doesn't just want to leave him in any town... so the best thing to do would be send him off to someone affiliated with rhodes, since that's the best way to guarantee he's looked after. he can look into that later.
for now, he just keeps elysium as close as he can until he's also breathless. all he can do is hang onto him. ]
[ the dream of a quiet retirement in a lakeside cabin only lasted for so long. tragic.
but he clings to thorns, just as desperate, maybe more. before, he could tell himself that all that mattered was thorns being happy somewhere out there. now, he can't imagine a world where he gives him up to anyone, not even another version of himself. he tells himself it's a kindness for the cycle to end, that there is no other path forward for them than this. ]
… You're mine, and I'm yours. I love you too. I'm not giving you up for anyone or anything.
[ giving up their child for adoption is better than many other alternatives. much like how docybara reminds them of their humanity, he's also a reminder of all the other ways they've failed.
it's a good thing they never made it to victoria. ]
[ at the very least, their journey is fairly uneventful now... it appears that they got far enough away that sending people after them isn't entirely worth it anymore. or maybe lungmen has taken care of things? or...
well. it's best not to wonder too hard about it.
thorns does spend more time than usual glancing in elysium's direction. ]
then he looks perfectly fine and feels perfectly fine but thorns being thorns can probably sense something off anyway. mysterious. elysium just tilts his head at him and smiles. ]
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but with the likelihood of it taking a nosedive, elysium falls quiet. ]
Is this really how you want it to go? There'll be no turning back.
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he rubs his face with his hands, trying to collect his thought. as it currently stands, they need to get elysium to a medical facility. thorns is fully aware that elysium isn't going to prioritize that though–after all, any chance they had to get him properly looked at, he refused. ]
We leave in ten. Try to eat or drink something and I'll get the Doctor ready.
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[ he stays his ground, grip firm.
it's a combination of his condition and the nature of his arts. it's possible for them to get it to a stable state, but even if mantra has yet to tell anyone about what she suspects, his behaviour has likely been too erratic to allow him to roam unchecked once in their custody.
… ]
We're supposed to see the world together, Thorns. One of their early drugs… I'm pretty sure it was a stimulant of some kind.
It'll be faster if we tap one of their bases.
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thorns doesn't say anything right away, instead just trying to pry elysium's hands off of him halfheartedly before giving up. ]
I'll do it.
[ the idea of sending elysium in is terrifying. it seems like any overexertion is enough to do irreparable harm at this point. ]
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[ and regardless of who does what, it's not going to stop elysium from supporting thorns however he can.
…
it's hard. to stop his thoughts from trailing to all the regret seeping through thorns. should he break their promise? reset anyway? this, too, would likely be the only window he gets.
he's similarly quiet, eventually letting thorns go on his own volition. ]
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... Let's get moving. We're still not far enough from them for me to be satisfied.
[ they can discuss this as they move. ]
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he essentially goes on autopilot—kissing thorns back, patting docybara on the head. all the while, he starts thinking about how they even got here. is there restarting from zero? how did thorns catch on?
him being quiet is probably the most suspicious thing there is… ]
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My love. Come on.
[ he squeezes. ]
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a beat, two beats, and then he does. then, out of seemingly nowhere: ]
What is something you want, more than anything?
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he keeps his grip on him firm. ]
You with me.
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he probably wishes it wouldn't get more concerning. ]
Who wouldn't want to live a long life with the person they love, right?
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Tell me what you're thinking.
[ he shouldn't have asked elysium to use his arts so much. they should have left the town much earlier. is this because he suggested sending a message to lungmen? is this his fault again? ]
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there's nothing to worry about when it all happens relatively quickly. elysium draws the flag from behind his back and stares at it for a fraction of a beat. then—it emits a short-circuiting whine before the main module fries completely, sparks flying as the smell of burnt metal fills the air. just like that, he tosses it aside. ]
Nothing. Just… that I think we were both treating it as too much of a crutch.
[ he smiles, dusting his hand against the side of his jacket. he finally returns thorns' hold. ]
If you need me to send any transmissions, I can do still do that. With or without my flag.
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it's true, that despite their promise to each other for this to be their final life, that the idea of just trying again if things go wrong has been in the back of thorns' mind. the problem with the ability of just starting over is that it causes you to feel safe to make decisions that you might have not made if you didn't have that safety net underneath you. you can be more reckless, more selfish. it also brings up the hard realization that this is truly it. if he loses elysium now, he will have really lost him.
would he have done things differently? maybe. but thorns supposes he has to live with the choices that brought them to this spot. and... isn't that how life is supposed to go, anyway? it's how the two of them have lived for the majority of their lives anyway, before any of this happened. it's not wrong to bring things back to how it should have been, even if the worst case scenarios keep blasting in your mind.
thorns doesn't answer verbally, but he does lean in to kiss elysium again––this time longer, with more force. every uncertain, twisted emotion that he can't quite find words for at the moment, he puts into the kiss. ]
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but then his eyes flutter shut, his arms coming up instinctively and possessively, wrapping around thorns' waist to pull him closer, encouraging it despite the metallic taste lingering in his mouth. rather, it's as if he's pushing it forward, pressing in further and kissing deeper, refusing to break away, like he, too, wants to engrave the depth of his feelings into thorns.
what is there to worry about, infecting him, if they're going to die together anyway? ]
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thorns realizes that at this rate, they can't really keep docybara with them. but he also doesn't just want to leave him in any town... so the best thing to do would be send him off to someone affiliated with rhodes, since that's the best way to guarantee he's looked after. he can look into that later.
for now, he just keeps elysium as close as he can until he's also breathless. all he can do is hang onto him. ]
... I love you, mi vida.
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but he clings to thorns, just as desperate, maybe more. before, he could tell himself that all that mattered was thorns being happy somewhere out there. now, he can't imagine a world where he gives him up to anyone, not even another version of himself. he tells himself it's a kindness for the cycle to end, that there is no other path forward for them than this. ]
… You're mine, and I'm yours. I love you too. I'm not giving you up for anyone or anything.
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[ docybara headbutts his lead, and thorns takes a moment to truly appreciate what he has right now. he might never have so much again.
... ]
We do need to get moving though.
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it's a good thing they never made it to victoria. ]
… Let's go.
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well. it's best not to wonder too hard about it.
thorns does spend more time than usual glancing in elysium's direction. ]
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he wonders how far it goes.
there's no point in thinking about others when they can barely keep themselves intact. ]
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they can travel for a long while, before thorns decides they need to take a break for elysium, whether he asks for one or not.
he'll go over to check his temperature and see if he's breathing okay. ]
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everything is entirely dependent on whether thorns catches him sneaking painkillers or not. i rolled a twelve. ]
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i rolled an 11, so no, notice. ]
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then he looks perfectly fine and feels perfectly fine but thorns being thorns can probably sense something off anyway. mysterious. elysium just tilts his head at him and smiles. ]
We can keep going after ten.
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