it's true, that despite their promise to each other for this to be their final life, that the idea of just trying again if things go wrong has been in the back of thorns' mind. the problem with the ability of just starting over is that it causes you to feel safe to make decisions that you might have not made if you didn't have that safety net underneath you. you can be more reckless, more selfish. it also brings up the hard realization that this is truly it. if he loses elysium now, he will have really lost him.
would he have done things differently? maybe. but thorns supposes he has to live with the choices that brought them to this spot. and... isn't that how life is supposed to go, anyway? it's how the two of them have lived for the majority of their lives anyway, before any of this happened. it's not wrong to bring things back to how it should have been, even if the worst case scenarios keep blasting in your mind.
thorns doesn't answer verbally, but he does lean in to kiss elysium again––this time longer, with more force. every uncertain, twisted emotion that he can't quite find words for at the moment, he puts into the kiss. ]
[ being on the run, with the ever looming threat of an ambush, is about the furthest scenario anyone should be making out with their lover. but there are no words at first when elysium is pulled into the kiss, momentarily stunned by the force of it.
but then his eyes flutter shut, his arms coming up instinctively and possessively, wrapping around thorns' waist to pull him closer, encouraging it despite the metallic taste lingering in his mouth. rather, it's as if he's pushing it forward, pressing in further and kissing deeper, refusing to break away, like he, too, wants to engrave the depth of his feelings into thorns.
what is there to worry about, infecting him, if they're going to die together anyway? ]
thorns realizes that at this rate, they can't really keep docybara with them. but he also doesn't just want to leave him in any town... so the best thing to do would be send him off to someone affiliated with rhodes, since that's the best way to guarantee he's looked after. he can look into that later.
for now, he just keeps elysium as close as he can until he's also breathless. all he can do is hang onto him. ]
[ the dream of a quiet retirement in a lakeside cabin only lasted for so long. tragic.
but he clings to thorns, just as desperate, maybe more. before, he could tell himself that all that mattered was thorns being happy somewhere out there. now, he can't imagine a world where he gives him up to anyone, not even another version of himself. he tells himself it's a kindness for the cycle to end, that there is no other path forward for them than this. ]
… You're mine, and I'm yours. I love you too. I'm not giving you up for anyone or anything.
[ giving up their child for adoption is better than many other alternatives. much like how docybara reminds them of their humanity, he's also a reminder of all the other ways they've failed.
it's a good thing they never made it to victoria. ]
[ at the very least, their journey is fairly uneventful now... it appears that they got far enough away that sending people after them isn't entirely worth it anymore. or maybe lungmen has taken care of things? or...
well. it's best not to wonder too hard about it.
thorns does spend more time than usual glancing in elysium's direction. ]
then he looks perfectly fine and feels perfectly fine but thorns being thorns can probably sense something off anyway. mysterious. elysium just tilts his head at him and smiles. ]
well, he can't tell why he has a bad feeling about this, but he can still keep an eye on elysium anyway. this is what happens when he looks away from his boy for ten seconds to tend to his other boy (docybara). ]
[ he probably shouldn't because they should at actually keep going. but what's the point if they can't appreciate moments like these? just the two of them (and their child who is trying to find the tastiest section of grass) under the sky.
he presses his mouth against the skin underneath elysium's ear. ]
[ for going through a sequence that had them on their toes, elysium's entire demeanour has mellowed out, sucking in a breath as thorns presses against his skin. they're really doing this in the periphery of their child, it's fine. he's just happy to have them in ear and eye shot… ]
[ blood, dirt, ash, soot. they're probably covered in all of it, with little more than a damp cloth to wipe themselves down between their last altercation and now, if that. he hesitates when thorns leans in, reluctant at first to let him get that close to sullied feathers, but then he exhales and relaxes into the gesture, surrendering into it anyway. ]
[ or maybe he will, who even knows how long the distraction will last them. but thorns kisses the side of elysium's face, making sure that he gets any spots that are especially dirty to show that he doesn't really care about any of that. ]
Doesn't that go without saying? Every part of you is mine, Elysium.
[ things he would have never said in the first few timelines but now says so completely seriously and without embarrassment.
his hand falls downward until it falls to elysium's waistband. he starts unbuttoning his pants slowly, yet there's still a sense of urgency with his his fingers stumble with the task. ]
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it's true, that despite their promise to each other for this to be their final life, that the idea of just trying again if things go wrong has been in the back of thorns' mind. the problem with the ability of just starting over is that it causes you to feel safe to make decisions that you might have not made if you didn't have that safety net underneath you. you can be more reckless, more selfish. it also brings up the hard realization that this is truly it. if he loses elysium now, he will have really lost him.
would he have done things differently? maybe. but thorns supposes he has to live with the choices that brought them to this spot. and... isn't that how life is supposed to go, anyway? it's how the two of them have lived for the majority of their lives anyway, before any of this happened. it's not wrong to bring things back to how it should have been, even if the worst case scenarios keep blasting in your mind.
thorns doesn't answer verbally, but he does lean in to kiss elysium again––this time longer, with more force. every uncertain, twisted emotion that he can't quite find words for at the moment, he puts into the kiss. ]
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but then his eyes flutter shut, his arms coming up instinctively and possessively, wrapping around thorns' waist to pull him closer, encouraging it despite the metallic taste lingering in his mouth. rather, it's as if he's pushing it forward, pressing in further and kissing deeper, refusing to break away, like he, too, wants to engrave the depth of his feelings into thorns.
what is there to worry about, infecting him, if they're going to die together anyway? ]
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thorns realizes that at this rate, they can't really keep docybara with them. but he also doesn't just want to leave him in any town... so the best thing to do would be send him off to someone affiliated with rhodes, since that's the best way to guarantee he's looked after. he can look into that later.
for now, he just keeps elysium as close as he can until he's also breathless. all he can do is hang onto him. ]
... I love you, mi vida.
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but he clings to thorns, just as desperate, maybe more. before, he could tell himself that all that mattered was thorns being happy somewhere out there. now, he can't imagine a world where he gives him up to anyone, not even another version of himself. he tells himself it's a kindness for the cycle to end, that there is no other path forward for them than this. ]
… You're mine, and I'm yours. I love you too. I'm not giving you up for anyone or anything.
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[ docybara headbutts his lead, and thorns takes a moment to truly appreciate what he has right now. he might never have so much again.
... ]
We do need to get moving though.
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it's a good thing they never made it to victoria. ]
… Let's go.
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well. it's best not to wonder too hard about it.
thorns does spend more time than usual glancing in elysium's direction. ]
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he wonders how far it goes.
there's no point in thinking about others when they can barely keep themselves intact. ]
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they can travel for a long while, before thorns decides they need to take a break for elysium, whether he asks for one or not.
he'll go over to check his temperature and see if he's breathing okay. ]
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everything is entirely dependent on whether thorns catches him sneaking painkillers or not. i rolled a twelve. ]
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i rolled an 11, so no, notice. ]
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then he looks perfectly fine and feels perfectly fine but thorns being thorns can probably sense something off anyway. mysterious. elysium just tilts his head at him and smiles. ]
We can keep going after ten.
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well, he can't tell why he has a bad feeling about this, but he can still keep an eye on elysium anyway. this is what happens when he looks away from his boy for ten seconds to tend to his other boy (docybara). ]
Mm. Drink some water.
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but he will obediently take a swig of water before dragging thorns onto his lap. ]
Can we recharge for real now?
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but thorns gets comfortable anyway, trying to get comfortable without putting too much weight onto him. ]
In just ten minutes?
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[ he smooches thorns, arms slipping around him and drawing him in until thorns is leaning against him. ]
Convince me.
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he presses his mouth against the skin underneath elysium's ear. ]
Mm?
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How long do you need to be satisfied?
[ a hand slips under thorns' clothing. ]
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[ sometimes, this is the only outcome after a near death experience, even if it is a belated one.
he presses against his head, before shifting so he can lick at one of elysium's feathers. ]
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[ blood, dirt, ash, soot. they're probably covered in all of it, with little more than a damp cloth to wipe themselves down between their last altercation and now, if that. he hesitates when thorns leans in, reluctant at first to let him get that close to sullied feathers, but then he exhales and relaxes into the gesture, surrendering into it anyway. ]
Don't force yourself.
[ as he licks one of thorns' cuts. ]
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Force myself? Elysium, I always want you.
[ he is just normal enough to know there is a time and place for everything.
...
well, usually, anyway. ]
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[ it's fine if their time is short. at the very least, they can say they truly experienced each other. he buries his face back into thorns. ]
There's a spot I want to go to after this. But let's take our time, yeah? I want to feel you, every bit of you, to remind myself of what we have.
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[ or maybe he will, who even knows how long the distraction will last them. but thorns kisses the side of elysium's face, making sure that he gets any spots that are especially dirty to show that he doesn't really care about any of that. ]
You're beautiful, you know.
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[ restraint? don't know her. ]
Not even death's allowed to do us part.
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[ things he would have never said in the first few timelines but now says so completely seriously and without embarrassment.
his hand falls downward until it falls to elysium's waistband. he starts unbuttoning his pants slowly, yet there's still a sense of urgency with his his fingers stumble with the task. ]
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