werites | bursts into tears

[

he really just falls asleep like this even though this is a crazy spot to snooze. granted he is running on zero sleep after fighting, travel, and h*rny so it is not surprising. ] ]

[ it being both a crazy spot and a crazy position to snooze in surely cancels out the fact that it is, objectively, a terrible, no-good idea. this could very well be the most peaceful sleep they've ever had in some time, which unfortunately means it will also gift elysium an entirely new set of revelations they probably could have lived without.

they're woken when docybara starts feeling lonely and decides that organic grass, no matter how delicious, does not make up for a lack of social interaction. he starts by chewing on their hair and slobbering over their faces, whatever fucked up position they're currently in irrelevant to his interests. that's mother and father. ]

Elysium... don't eat my hair...

[ sleepily blames elysium for something insane

he eventually opens his eyes, squinting blearily as he adjusts to being awake. emotionally this was so comfortable but physically it is not. he tries to see if elysium is still asleep or not. ]

[ the real tragedy will be elysium realising just how much heavy lifting the million painkillers he took were doing to make this possible. until then, he is also thinking something completely insane as he tries to bat this imaginary thorns away who's really just docybara.

he feels… rejected… this is the worst thing i've ever had to type. ]

Huh? More like that's too much tongue, Thorns…

[ they are so stupid kills them

well, thorns is now aware of what's happening, yet despite that he feels offended about elysium criticizing him? even though it's not him? ]

Are you saying I'm a bad kisser?

[ elysium, unfortunately, is enjoying his delusions too much to be lucid. or is he…? imagine if he didn't have that whole ass arc with his hair and had his crisis now. things happen for a reason. ]

You're getting me all wet and not in the way I want to be…

[ okay. now this is just getting beyond silly. ]

[

okay that just makes him burst out laughing. ]

… Good morning.

[ he pokes thorns' nose. ignore how he has to uncomfortably shift his thighs. ]

Sleep well?

[ thorns could answer this question if their child wasn't well headbutting them. this neglecting has gone on for too long. ]

You should take care of that.

Mm...

[ he reaches over to give docybara some pats to calm him down. their poor ignored baby who just went through something horrible (woke up and his parents weren't next to him). ]

Calm down. We'll get going soon.

[ thorns' children are the most spoiled children in existence my god. elysium included. elysium especially. ]

What if I don't want to?

[ he nibbles thorns' ear. it's thorns' turn to go through something horrible: having to deal with both his needy babies contending for his attention. but really, part of it is elysium being scared of standing up. this is so dire. ]

[ hatefully, thorns would go for round two because he needs help. but he is also aware they really do need to be moving if they want to get around to doing anything. ]

Hm? What do you want to do instead?

[ docybara headbutts again. thorns' hand is getting tired from petting. ]

[ round two is practically a given at this point in their relationship. they need to have things both ways? all the ways? maybe not so much when they're on the road, but sometimes you get put in high-stress situations and need the stress relief. sometimes, you aren't even given the option.

…

parenthood is the hardest thing in the world. he bats thorns' hand away and takes over petting docybara. now that it has received attention from both parents, it finally settles down. they are, however, on very thin ice. ]

You…

[ from how utterly defeated he sounds, this likely ain't happening ]

[ this is so pathetic. thorns leans closer so he can kiss elysium before he finally moves... to pull out... this is so uncomfortable and yet it feels like he is cutting his arm off emotionally.

however they need to clean up so badly. they are so disgusting right now. ]

Later...

[ incredible how something that grants him so much relief simultaneously devastates him. they have reached a new level of desperate with this one, elysium immediately pulling thorns in another kiss just to chase the loss away.

is there even a nearby river. they are going to be filthy for so long to reflect their mental states. ]

You'll have to give me more than that for me to survive until later…

[ and yet, he hasn't tried standing yet so it's equally possible for him to perish anyway. ]

[ elysium has died so many deaths and perhaps this will be the worst one?

he just snuggles against him, lamenting over their circumstance. other things they need to do: eat and hydrate, but that's less important in the grand scheme of things. ]

Next time will be even better.

[ hmm…

… ]

How will it be better? The competition's fierce.

I can't tell you. That'll spoil it.

[ thorns does not actually know, he is talking out of his ass so that elysium will stop pouting. ]

Oh.

[ his eyes widen… may thorns perish beneath the weight of elysium's expectations. they are forbidden from dying for as long as elysium remains ignorant of what the non-existent surprise is. ]

I'm looking forward to it. Go get cleaned up first—I can take care of the Doctor.

[ thorns is going to have to think of something very good by the time they stop again... but it's fine, maybe elysium will forget.

for now, he will just give him another short kiss before he goes to wipe himself down. this is nowhere near as good as a proper bath, but it's better than nothing. ]

[ thorns is also going to have to think of something very good to do about elysium's entire situation because he just had a d*ck up his a** for several hours as well as fluids that are most definitely not his. and you're saying there's no nearby river? okay.

for the time being, elysium is currently distracted by his grief of loss and having to distract their oversized baby. this next half hour will be the most important next half hour of thorns' life. ]

[ shaking

thorns walks over and starts to towel off elysium. it's fine... he will focus on getting his baby as clean(?) as possible. ]

Really, though. You should eat something and then we can head off.

[ okay but what is thorns going to do about elysium's [redacted]

he just turns his head over to docybara while this happens. there is peace for now. ]

Do you think you're strong enough to carry me, buddy?

[ does thorns need to massage his [redacted]...

but docybara just wiggles excitedly at the idea of getting some exercise. thorns thinks it's possible, but he is now staring at elysium as he wonders how bad this is. the problem with being obsessive and thinking that everything that they is good and just and perfect means that once the high wears off, it leads to this. ]

Here are your clothes. I can help you get dressed.

[ elysium did ask for this. he cannot be sabotaging their future endeavours by being a baby but everything really is starting to catch up to him and he does not have thorns' self-healing trait.

he gazes at his jacket… his painkillers…

…

holds out his arms like he wants to be helped up. this is so unfortunate. ]

[ fucking up

thorns goes over to pick up his precious bbbb!!! he pats him on the back. ]

Let's get you some pants.

[ said in the tone where you might tell a puppy you're getting snacks ]

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